Brave Little Gerda, So Chilled She Could Not Speak

[Rita]

Gordie, thank you for stopping in. Whenever you provide these little snapshots of your life in MLC, my jaw always drops.

But you know, I wish in a way I could have had that conversation with my kids. My H never revealed what he was doing, it was all done in secret. I found out what I had suspected in various ways, generally not by choice, but I never talked about it with him; and in fact the few times he did try to say anything, I just kept repeating, "That's between you and God, I don't want to hear a thing about it, that's between you and God." A few times I did say it was disgusting and he would have to talk to God about it and not me. And there were a couple of horrifying moments like once when his phone went on the setting for visually impaired, and I had to hear her text being read by the phone voice, it makes me shudder even to remember those dark times. But mostly we never spoke of it and certainly the kids never knew. In many ways, everything would have been so much clearer for them if I could have said to them what you said. But I bore the cross totally alone, as they didn't know, and I didn't want them to know if I could avoid that.

I don't know if there is an OW now.

I hope that one day they can admire their father. I hope that one day he is a good man again, and maybe he will even be good enough to confess what happened and to help them understand the cross I carried. Right now I am just trying to trust God with everything, to reveal what He needs to reveal when He needs to reveal it and to sit still in the mysteries of suffering I can't understand.