Hamburg I have been reading the progress. Others are giving you great advice, and mine is just that, my opinion. But I feel like I have to do this, consider this a very friendly 2x4 (it is a metaphor for trying to help by being a little hard). Context for you is I stayed in relatively close but not continues contact with my wife for the first 1.5 years after BD, she talked to me a lot, including hurling very painful comments and insults, and also very connected and caring honest truthful sharing. She swung all the way from shark eyes/anger, back to her old self but in a lot of pain and open and asking for help, and then suddenly asked for divorce and snapped most of the way back.
I managed the 1.5 years by quickly detaching emotionally from her and minimizing my damage. But that was the hardest 1.5 years of my life. You do not sound detached and it must hurt, a lot. No matter what you decide you HAVE TO detach, and as others have said stop focusing on her and focus on you. If you want to decide whether you want to hope to wait for her or not I GUARANTEE you if you do not detach you will take enough damage and pain that you WILL leave and probably hate her, and it will not from a carefully chosen decision, rather from pain and self preservation.
Reading what you wrote she is deep in throws of replay and MLC. In fact she MAY even not fully be in the swing of things and MAY get worse. Nothing you say or do will help her or your marriage right now, no matter how hard you wish you could do both. Trust me and others on this, she is in this alone and you are only a passenger tied to the rear bumper being dragged behind. You are not only not driving you are not even in the car, all that will happen if you stay here is, well follow the analogy. If she goes off the cliff you being dragged behind will change nothing, she will still crash with or without you.
Her "disrespect" and all other painful behaviour towards you is because she is probably in so much inner pain and turmoil you DO NOT exist emotionally in her world, you are like furniture. We don't really worry about what we do to our furniture and how the furniture feels. I sat with my wife and her "friend" on a rock where she took food out of a bag for her and him, and put the bag done AS IF I WAS NOT EVEN there. Because in her emotional world when in this state I was not there, I was a rock. If you are interacting with her and expecting human reaction, specially from the woman you were so close to you will continually be "disrespected" and hurt deeply. So stop. Sticking your hand into the fire WILL burn it while the fire is hot. It doesn't alter the fire. So don't.
When you detach emotionally, internalize the truth of what is going on with her, heal and take care of yourself then you can get to a point where you can decide to "stay" or "go." Right now all that will happen is you will leave or she will destroy any love you have for her at some point. By detaching you may save that love and may be able to reengage one day, but not today. Others have said it, accept this is months and years, not weeks.
