You poor thing. My heart breaks for you. Kids. It is doubly difficult to not show emotion in front of our H's when it is obvious our kids are hurting.
Mine don't bring it up. They sense that H and I don't want to talk about it and they follow our lead. I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing. They both give me extra big cuddles when they are going away with him and also when they come back. D9 comes running from the car screaming "mummy" with her arms out wide waiting for her hug. D12 gives me a quick cuddle and her forehead to kiss (this is quite a big thing for her). They both also frequently sleep in my bed. Any reason, (not that) scary movie, sore tummies, sore throats, cold beds etc. Neither of my children were the type to sleep in our bed - in fact we had always dissuaded it on the grounds that they both kicked a lot when they were in the middle of H and I and neither of us got any sleep. Well, that's not a problem anymore.
Your H is not a monster. Unless he is a sociopath (which from your description he is not) then he would have felt emotional too. He left the room because he cannot show that emotion to you. In the same way, you try to no longer show him the pain you are in. Different reasons. He is trying to prove he made the right decision and you are trying to show that you are OK with his decision. Same as my H in the early days saying the kids were better off now that he had left and that they had adapted to the situation.
I am not sure what counsel to give re your kids. It is so hard. The only thing I have is to keep doing what you are doing. Be optimistic when you are around them, pretend to be excited about there days out with the dad, and try and keep your interactions with your H as amicable as possible. It is so hard to keep up a brave face in front of our kids when inside we want to scream. Breakdown in the privacy of YOUR room, have a good cry whilst sitting in a warm bath, or vent here. There will always be people who will lend an ear and [in my case] an opinion.
