Responding to Steve and David: to me, the issues are complex; my response is simple.
Given what I know of W's situation, I believe there is no OM or OW, no PA or EA. Even if there were, they would strike me as symptoms, rather than the disease. I believe individuals need and want an unshakable sense of self to live a life of wholeness and integrity. During the times I lost touch with this myself, I know I relied on distractions to soothe my soul.
When W tells me she needs time and space to sort this out for herself, my respect and love for her accepts her statement at face value. If she is misleading me or herself, I have 35 years worth of data persuading me her current state is atypical of the woman I love. All of which is to say, I think we rely on these labels--MLC, WW, WAS--as shorthanded ways to deal with complex situations.
And yet, and yet, and yet, in the face of this complex situation, I choose to respond simply. I have needed to dig deep to find my own authentic response. Digging deep, I have rediscovered a spiritual core calling me to respond with love and patience. As David accurately points out, saying this and living this are two different beasts. But living this is the only thing over which I exert control. But even as I try to focus on my life's work, I continue to pray for her to heal and to find her own spiritual core. If she does, when she does, I hope she will find me waiting on the other side.
