LBH Looking for Help and Guidance

[ovrrnbw]

I truly believed that our shared history and the vows we took would carry us forever.

Me too.
[/quote]I know that she was faithful up until the point of the BD, but I am not sure if she still is. We talked about sexual boundaries during this period, but she clearly stated that nothing was off the table at the moment and she needed to “discover herself”. The only rule she would agree to was not to bring anyone to the house or introduce the kids when she gets into a relationship. [/quote]

Why would you agree to any of this? You agreed that she can have sex with others, just as long as it's not happening at home? I'd tell you don't agree to this.

It's hard right now, but that's why we make vows. If it were easy to do, we wouldn't need a vow.

She wants to cohabitate in the marital home for the kids after the divorce

She's in fantasy land. Just be honest and say there aint a chance in hell.

I think sometimes she forgets that we’re getting divorced.

Says who? She file yet, is it over yet?

1. What is your take on my situation?
2. For those who neglected their social lives (aka codependent), what were your winning strategies and tactics with GAL?
3. Besides GAL, what other steps should I be taking?
4. What boundaries do you suggest I implement? How and why?
5. If you have any book/show/etc. suggestions, please share.
6. Anything else you think might help me in my pursuit of healing myself and potentially the marriage.

1.You have a walkaway spouse (WAS) who is potentially already looking elsewhere or maybe further along. Steve will be along to back this up. Most of the situations have a wayward spouse(WS), very few spouses can keep it in their pants until the divorce is final. And very few WS's do a whole lot to make divorce happen right away.
2. Just get out there and do what you enjoy. Find new hobbies, rediscover old ones, go on meetup.com, join sports leagues, go to social events. Make it about you and not your marital pain.
3.Read the detachment thread here and work on not letting her actions and words affect you. Believe nothing she says and only half of what she does. This will help you see things as they are and not as you want them to be.
4. What boundaries do you think are appropriate?
5. I dunno, maybe No More Mr Nice Guy. You really tried to Nice Guy her by acting like you'd live together after divorce.
6. Make sure you know what pursuit is and you are sticking to it. A lot of people don't want to think they are pursuing.