You may have berated or nitpicked your wife but you've also only been married for a short time and it's a big adjustment the first few years going from being single to dating to engaged to married. Sometimes it takes a while for a husband and wife to adapt to one another and to learn how to avoid behaviors that'll bother or provoke the other. We're all like that to some degree. Nothing that you describe would justify your wife having an affair. An affair is just wrong no matter what. You've endured a lot already. How much more do you feel you can endure while your wife does these things? Just like most of us you sound committed to rebuilding the marriage but I guess sometimes it just doesn't happen fast and there's no guarantee that it'll work. Perhaps you can plan for both scenarios - for your wife coming back again and for moving on if she doesn't. You're still young and you have no kids so it'd be fairly easy for you to start over with another woman when the time is right. It's worth keeping that in mind! If you spend another ten years in turmoil with your wife, knowing she has these tendencies even if she comes back, you might find yourself divorced with kids and at that point it's not quite so easy to bounce back like it would be now. It's worth considering both short and long-term prospects.
