Thanks. I know what she feels based on her words and actions. She still wants me to say hello, have wine with her on the patio and be her friend. She started smoking again and invited me out the other night to join her. It seems her thoughts of me having an A thrusted her (poor choice of words I know) toward him. I heard her crying and begging him to tell her she's not a bad person. Then making out/ ILY began during a crying spell. It is so unhealthy. She had a terrible night and says me not saying hello threw her into a frenzy yesterday. 2 nights ago I told her I fell out of love with her and understand how she feels about me and she began to cry.
I have been working on myself in many ways. More recently I have reconnected with friends and see them frequently. I took a few days off from the kids but took then out last night and had a good time. I plan on taking then out tomorrow night as well. I haven't shed a tear in weeks and am upbeat most of the time.
This is a difficult process. Part of me wants to sit with her, have wine and talk but another part wants to completely detach. But detachment led to her thinking I am having an A and not saying hello spurs craziness (I did see her face after that and she was very upset). I cannot seem to find a happy medium here.
