Thanks DV. H spent the last 2 days, almost entirely, with the family. Day 1 was spent dealing with his mom's burial arrangements, getting documents together etc. We cried together a few times. After that H asked if it was o.k. to come to the house until his dentist appointment at 4. He hung out with the kids for a while and we watched a program together. He then met us for dinner. He was back early yesterday and put up all the outside Christmas decorations, hung out, had a late meal with us then back to his place. He thanked me many times, and said how much he appreciated me taking such good care of his mom all these years, and for just preparing the meal yesterday and including him.
I wanted to so much ask H what his plans are for the next month. As far as I know, from the credit card, he hasn't booked anything else yet. But, I didn't, and just made sure I looked and smelled good. A month ago I offered that he could stay in the spare bedroom since the kids will be home from school for the month. I'm regretting that now, a bit. But, we'll have to see how it plays out. I don't want this to sound like he gets to make all the calls. He doesn't. I will have my own boundaries so there is no cake-eating in the R department. It's difficult to be tough when we are both grieving, though.
We still have a memorial service to plan at the nursing home, and the burial. I foresee a few very sad days coming up. Not only missing his mom, but I believe part of Hs current internal struggles goes to his relationship with his parents...their inability to connect with him on an emotional level throughout his childhood. He never really learned how to do that from them.
