Gerda has given you some excellent advice. You need to step back, focus on you, and let W do what it is she needs to do. And yes some MLCers have to go all the way to divorce and burn their entire life down around themselves, in hopes that they may wake up - and even then some don’t. My own W is on such a path, so much destruction.
Keep working on yourself. I am glad you have made such strides in your growth over the previous 4 months, keep at it - it is very much worth it. You are worth it, worth all that hard work. Don’t forget who you are really doing it for - You!
While agitated is not the time to make long term plans. Do what you need to do to protect you and kids, to ensure your future. Then step back, give her space and time, and allow yourself to settle. Work on your healing, and then you can make those long term plans and decisions. I guarantee things will look a whole lot different to you then, and we will have a much different conversation.
You know this is a marathon, for you and her. It helps to have a heading, a general idea on where to go, a beacon to find you way out of the dark. My personal heading was, and still is, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. I am sure everyone would want that peace, it is what we are striving for. So lock that in, keep that long term ideal in mind. When you act, respond, decide - work towards your goals. They are surprising closer than you might realize, we just keep pushing them back.
To be honest and fair, there will be times when necessary actions or decisions will be less desirable, down right ugly and horrible. They are necessary and you can still be kind and compassionate in the performance of them. Stick to the higher road, when all this is over, no matter what happens, you will be so grateful you did.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
