Dealing with a WW trying to save marriage pt2

[SoTorn]

Hi ST,

Sorry to hear of your Sitch. I have been following but haven't read every post. The replies I do read, I tend to grab what I can from them and apply them to my own sitch because most of us are going through the same thing.

I'm sorry to hear that you made these wonderful changes and W chose OM. I can imagine there is a lot of anger in that. I also sense the frustration you have from trying everything and it not working. You've tried the validation and it hasn't worked.

I will say this, I thought I was validating at first and several people told me I was doing it all wrong. Im a newbie to this and still learning, I am still going at it with a fresh look. I'm not saying you aren't doing the right things. Sometimes the right things at the wrong times matter. Sometimes even if you did all the right things with the right intentions, it's up to the other person. We still have to remind ourselves we can not change the other person. Keep GAL, 180, post.

BLU, I've read what you had to say and I take those things to heart as well. There's so much wonderful advice here and wonderful people taking their time. If only I had the ability to be able to read something once and really understand it all, I could be much happier and more assured.

ST, patience...as you've said, the biggest issue is your 180, you are doing things for her and not solely for yourself to improve you but it sounds like, rather, you are trying to change to something she would approve of. That wont work and it'll get you conflicted. Keep your mind open & heart open to the advice and listening.

Honestly I'm not trying to change for her. I am already changed. I can honestly say that besides detaching and GAL there isn't much else I can do besides 180. I'm just avoiding arguing with her. The detaching has worked wonders for my mental health. I have been much happier and sleeping much better.

I used to constantly have WW on my mind. No more. I can honestly say that everything I am doing is for myself. That's because I have no idea what she is looking for or what she is expecting besides she wants a D. But again I noticed she has been around me more when I am home. I still dont engage her unless she speaks to me.

If I'm frustrated with anything is trying hard to keep my kids happy and because of the IHS and WW being around always it's very hard to do this. I appreciate all of the feedback here.

I'll try to work on validating, even if what she is saying is wrong or blaming me. I'm happy to take ownership of my part of our unhappiness.