He’s back to being super pleasant (too pleasant) yet uncomfortable ... Still no response to my email. I am nervous about that.
I recall you said he was conflict avoidant ...
He is processing and trying to work out how he can turn the situation around so he can still cake eat.
You are doing brilliantly DjV. I don't know if ultimately these actions will bring him back, but it is certainly making him think about consequences.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I was looking through the quotes thread and saw AS’s one about the stages that we all go through. Man did that ever hit home when I think about my progression through this situation. I think I have entered Stage 5 where I have realized that he is unlikely to ever come back and am moving toward Stage 6.
That hit me hard as well. I am probably at 4 ... though a good 4 in that his reactions to my GAL'g / detaching make me laugh now. And I honestly don't give to much of a [censored] what he is doing or what he is up to. I only care when it infringes on me. When his lack of consideration causes logistical problems for me. I am standing up more for myself now in that you 'fired me' so I am not cleaning up your rubbish anymore.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
If I am honest, I have serious doubts that he would ever act on it even if he did miss me. He just went to such great lengths to escape that I don’t think he would trust his feelings enough. I also think that by then, he will have found someone else to love and be well into a relationship. He looks at me and feels nothing but sadness and guilt (emphasis on the last one) and that won’t change anytime soon, if ever.
As a good mate of mine said, it is the 'weight of the past' that is stopping him from reconciling with his W. About a year after they separated, she tried to commit suicide and he went back to look after her. By weight what he actually (partly)means is the guilt over the sadness he caused her and the resentment he feels towards her for making him feel guilty. There were other things wrong in their M but non of it couldn't be fixed with a willingness to make it work. It has been over two years now. He has still not found anyone. He dates someone for a few months but then finds something wrong with each of them and sabotages it. I think what he finds wrong is they are interested in him and he does not actually like himself very much. He puts on a good front. But he does not think he is worth loving.
Anyway, I an envious of your resolve and that you have faced your fear. I am not there yet. I don't honestly know if I will ever be.
And yes, I agree going dark is impossible with kids. Particularly with kids which are loved deeply by both parents. Best I can hope for is a dark grey - which to me means polite but uninterested.
