The breaking the ice and talking did provide you a wealth of information and her intentions. Why did you not discuss custody? She wants too, you would learn about her intentions, you are not agreeing to anything just by discussing. Btw, you could really use that knowledge of what she is envisioning as to future custody, better to find out now than further down the road, where it is less likely and much more difficult to steer things to a better outcome.
You are correct, she is going to do what she wants to do, just as she stated. And as for the OM and her promise to not sleep with him. Remember some very true advice - don’t believe anything they tell you, and only half of what they do.
She might have actually meant that when she said it. Later? Who knows. An MLCer is in a compete emotional storm and able to justify anything, and will seek whatever mixed up, cooked up, made up, or f___ed up idea that will promote their plans or vision.
You only control you.
So to your choices.
You list three. There are many more. You always have choices.
However, I know you are seeking input, so:
Stay in house, discuss custody, gather information, seek L advice, get financially organized you do not deserve to be gutted like a fish due to her behaviour, protect you and kids.
If she is adamantly seeking to leave, then let her. It may behoove you to help with the heavy lifting, to gain better custody or financial arrangements - that is a choice for you to decide. Generally, the advice is let them do all the heavy lifting - there are times when that may be less diserable. Only you can know which one is for you.
Try to make decisions when you are in that place of indifference rather than the I want to fry her times. Along with her, you and your kids have to live with these decisions too.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
