One main point above the others may be to protect the kids- If he is a loser and has a history of domestic issues -- you have to think about the kids
The M may be over, but the impact of all this on the kids can be handled for their highest and best good for them This will have to come from you as usually the MLCer is a terrible parent
They will put young children in harms way to pursue their fantasy life
they usually always pick losers-This is not unusual
MY XH chose his secretary, 14 years younger, prescription addict/ psych issues together they hit the lowest of bottoms- He lost every single thing he had-and he had a lot at one point- My kids Never met her-and both my kids are doing well
You may need to put some focus on the best strategies to keep kids safe
they are too young to protect themselves
Glad you transferred the money and watch all credit cards they will rack up debt any way they can with no thought of the future
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thanks. Kids will be protected. Attorney said at a minimum I will get 50/50 and restraining order. Might get full custody based on history of him being around kids against my wishes.
From you MLC experts, if there is change of heart from her how do I know it's genuine? I absolutely do not trust her.
It is going to be many months before she settles down. The only way that you will know if her change of heart is genuine is if she is consistent. Always try to remember...actions speak louder than words. Consistency is what you will need to look for.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hamburg, you have to decide what is right for you. That is the bottom line. I understand the feeling of betrayal, trust me, but remember that you made a commitment to her for better or worse/for sickness or health...let me say that this is the worst and she is sick. As a medical professional I know that you would take care of her if she had cancer. We would ride out the storm with them thru any health issues.
I won't tell you what to do, because that is your choice, but just know that there are a ton of us here going thru the same BS you are going thru and we will have your back either way.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Sometimes I think to myself the clarity will come soon. Just as I started to lose hope during replay 1 she gained clarity about her counseling, her contribution to the situation and then we reconciled..... for a month. . This was after heavy pursuit and intense reconnecting. She snapped in an instant and we became partial lovers, then friends, then not really even talking. I see the withdraw and checking out she had shortly before the bomb during replay 1. I am mentally able to handle it now and everything that has happened is out now. I think about her moving on and I really dont care.
When I'm angry I want to fry her. When I am happy am am indifferent.
SBJ is right. You and only you can decide when you have had enough. We ask that posters not make decisions when they are angry because those decisions may not be the ones that you will have wanted to make once you calm down.
BTW, I know the feeling about wanting to fry her when you are angry. I had some "killer" thoughts when I was going thru what you are at the moment. I was the happiest when I didn't have to deal w/my xh's phone calls, emails, stupid stuff he would put in the mailbox and the one that topped all of this was the his very, very stupid lawyer who couldn't find her way out of a wet paper bag with a flashlight.
The best thing you can do is sit quietly and allow the answers to reveal themselves. Yes, you may be ready to move ahead w/the divorce, but all I ask is that you make sure that you've got all of your bases covered. Again, do what is right for you when you are ready. We are here for you no matter what decision you make.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It's hard being home with the her. We were friendly and played board games with the kids. She kept staring at me in a p!ssed/sad way. I'm exhausted from work so hard to stay upbeat but I am. She took her truck to the shop and has a loaner. I suspect she is having then look for an audio bug or gps tracker AND today was when she was to meet OM for another round of whatever they're doing....so she could remain incognito.
Hang in there. Your strength and understanding are exceptional.
When it comes down to it, this is your life and your choices to make.
Everyone has an opinion on what you should do and how you should do it regarding your M. But it is you that must be able to live with those choices, it is your M and your family.
Follow your heart but make sure to check in with your mind so you aren't making emotional decisions. (just like you did regarding the attorney meeting)
Friends and family may have good intentions but if they don't understand the complexity and the classic behaviours of MLC they really cant give advice that is relevant. The lies, obsession with appearance, stealing, manipulating, violent outburst, the affair, sexual promiscuity, addictions/alcohol use/gambling, abandonment, immaturity; pretty much all replay behaviour seems like the marriage is completely over and one should walk away, but, its so out of character you know there must be more to it. They just see the horrible way you are being treated and don't realize there is a wild storm under the surface causing it. Its up to you whether you can find forgiveness for these things, no one else. Never let anyone judge you as a doormat for extending understanding and unconditional love to your W in Crisis. It takes strength and integrity to endure.
You continue to impress me Hamburg, continued prayers for you and yours.
Watching the sky for the space shuttle return...relief, lights at last BD May/12 (37, H41- D18 D13 S11) July 2012 ILYBNILY reconcile oct/12 no AP 2nd BD Jan/18 start again Original AP
So ended up having a talk to break the ice. She went on and on about being unhappy for years and how the M is over and she will see who she wants to see (TX does not have legal separation, you're either married or divorced) She even thought we could get D filed quickly and live together after that. I laughed. I told her im looking forward to moving on and I dont love her anymore. She began to cry.
She threatened to file temp orders to remove me from house and pay temp child support and spousal maintenance.....prob on the magnitude of 5-6k per month in addition to our already stressful financial situation. .
Her demands were that I stop tracking her (which I'm not) and put money back in bank account.
She agreed to not sleep with OM (swears she hasnt) but will continue to meet him on occasion for "hanging out" because he's a friend. Says she met him today and nothing happened. I informed her they are not just friends.
I dont know how to play this. She's going to do whatever she wants no matter what I do or say. If I stay in house I will end up saving money and shes sure to test the waters to see if I'm tracking. Moving money back is approving of her affair and I'm not ok with that. BUT, as above she will do whatever she wants regardless. Being forced to move out from temp orders also hinders my chances for custody I want. She wanted to discuss custody and I wouldn't.
So choices are: 1. move money and stop "tracking" . Stay in house, be with kids, possibly secure my custody, not pay support. 2. Wait for her to file temp orders, move out, potentially lose out on fair custody, pay out the wazoo 3. Refuse, tell her she's married and I will continue to build my case of infidelity and I will not financially support her affair, probably prompting #2 above.
In any case I'm sure the A will continue and I have to choose the lesser evil here. In the end #3 seems like the best choice to law down the law but #1 seems best for the greatest end result.
