Wow, Thanksgiving dinner sounds like it is going to be awesome. Enjoy every bite, every conversation, and every friendship.
Originally Posted by Gerda
I have often wondered if I will ever tell my kids about the OW(s). I want them to believe that men can be faithful (so my son can be a faithful man and my daughter can look for one!), so I don't want to tell them. I hope I can be that strong. I know the only reason to tell them would be to explain/excuse my responses over these years.
Just a few ideas for you.
Your children can, and will, believe people can be faithful, both men and women - that comes from good role models. There are plenty around. Some post here. One looks at you, every time you gaze into a mirror.
Telling your kids about things would explain your responses over the years, it is a reason, it is not the only reason you might tell them. Knowledge of unfaithfulness will not preclude their ability to see faithfullness, or to strive for it, or to achieve it. I believe, and have seen within my own children, when they were exposed to knowledge of unfaithful actions it push them in the opposite direction.
One cannot see and understand the light without the dark. Good and positive is much accented when things of less desire are available for reference.
Much like drugs, sex, STD, etc... these talks are difficult. However, children need guidance in these important matters. That falls on you. Faithfulness, loyalty, compassion, caring, love, forgiveness, envy, greed, hatred, infidelity, etc... all are important topics. Where, or who, do you want your children to find guidance from?
You do not need to immediately have a conversation with them about their father’s OWs and his behaviours. Just when (not if) they bring up that topic, or any of the other difficult topics, an age appropriate discussion is a good recommendation, IMO.
For what it is worth, I have have many of these difficult talks. Let discuss the big ones. Discussions the lead to adultery, infidelity, cheating, unfaithfulness, and such - put away your fears, your shame, your feelings of betrayal, just discuss the topic. Talk about what it means, what it is, how it affects the partner, the one doing the action, the kids, and others. All without dragging through the mud, or even talking about their parent. Let them put the pieces together - that is when it is also a good time to discuss compassion and forgiveness, to show it, to be that role model.
Children are thirsty for knowledge, nurture them, help them grow, let them achieve the knowledge of what strong faithful relationships are. They will then have a much better chance of finding a relationship like that on their journey through life.
Just some ideas - one good friend to another.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
