Dealing with a WW trying to save marriage pt2

[SoTorn]

I'm not saying I'm not to blame for the unhappiness in our marriage. I have absolutely offered to listen to her side of that to tell me what led to this. What I am referring to when she is blaming is her justification of her affair. I will not shoulder the blame for her decision.

It's not that I dont want to avoid conflicting ideas. WW cannot have a discussion without getting heated. I have tried the "I cant talk to you like this so we can talk when you cool down" she never cools down.

I have advised WW several times that I'm here to support her if she wants to talk about her feelings. WW doesnt try to talk about feelings. Ww approaches me like "so how much debt have you racked up?" "What are you hiding in your car when you lock it?" Stuff like that.

I have made myself available to her. I'm not gone 100% of the time. I dont just lash out and say "you did all this"

.I specify "I understand my part in our unhappiness, if you want to talk to tell me what you needed to make you happy I will listen"

I have let her go. I am not dictating anything beyond asking her to not mistreat me or my children. That and I have asked her not to speak with OM in this house because its disrespectful.

And I have made it very clear that although I am open to reconcile, for the time being, that I understand our marriage is over. I advised WW that I dont expect her to just move her stuff downstairs and we can then all act like nothing happened.

I have stated that if she wants that, I am willing to work with her to address what broke in our marriage so that we can be better people for each other and for our family. I have stated that I will be happy to work with her to resolve everything.

I advised her that even if she doesnt want to reconcile, I am here to support her emotionally so that she can get to the point where she is happy and we can be friends.


I will try to nod and smile when she wants to talk. However, if I hear any blame toward me for her decision, I'm not validating that. I have advised her that I understand how she feels. I understand why she did what she did. But the actual decision itself to cheat cannot be blamed on me.