[Wanted1]

Steve and burned,

For some reason this is exactly what I needed today. A perfect reassurance for me. I appreciate it a lot.

Burned, meeting is on Friday, so I'm looking forward to that.

You guys are right, nothing I do is ever right. It is so true, thus far, it's almost hilarious. "You are smothering me with your thoughts and feelings, I need time and space." Then 3 days later, "You've shut down like you always do. I'm over here worrying what I did wrong now to upset you." When in reality, I just haven't been initiating any conversations with her. The reason it feels like I've shut down is because I'm the one that has been initiating EVERY conversation between the two of us since BD!

All of this fits her mindset and current strategy, which is, pick and choose the pieces (e.g. what I say or what I do) that bests fits the puzzle she's trying to put together. If it fits what she she's trying to accomplish or is something she can twist and use as an excuse or to justify her current feelings, then man does she run with it and it's 100% gospel! If not, well, it isn't even given a second thought.

She's been reading all of these self-help books and I want to ask her where in those books does it explain that it really helps focus on all of the negatives about a situation! Because what I've been reading has been instructing me and providing me with tools and techniques to do the exact opposite! (Don't worry, I'm not bringing this up to her!)

I really, really, really would like to know what I did that makes her resent me so much and basically gives her the unwavering belief that it's unforgivable in her eyes! I know I'll never get that answer but I am very confused and really curious how she thinks she can justify it. NOTHING I've done in this M is bad enough to justify a D. What she has certainly does, but the only thing she can accuse me of is probably not being the best at communicating and probably "shut down" when my NGS covert contracts aren't met. FFS, that happens in almost every M! And it's something that can be fixed. AND it takes 2 to communicate effectively. She isn't the greatest communicator either.

Me new mantra is "water off a duck's back." Thank you for this!

If I don't talk to anyone in the meantime, I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving.

I'll update my thread after the meeting on Friday. If you have time, say a prayer for me -- I need a miracle I'm afraid and there is only one person that can grant them!