[Living]

My therapist says I need to have a long talk with him and see what he wants to do about the marriage.

I believe that R talk is the last thing you should do. R talk is good when both people are fully committed. There will be time for talking later if you get through this most difficult part of the process. Your job right now is to listen to him when he brings up R.

The crazy thing is I can see signs of the man I fell in love with showing up.

This is a good sign what you are doing is working.

I can say without a doubt that there is no way in hell we can resume this marriage without resolving some major issues.

These are your non-negotiables...

Not sure if I shared my book list:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2061094#Post2061094

Harville hendrix might be a good book for you.

Ready2Change thanks for the book recommendation list.

I haven’t initiated any R talks. I agree with both people needing to be committed before that happens.

However, last night he initiated R talks. He told me that he missed being in love with me. He also told me some of the things he feels has gone wrong in our relationship. He says he misses me and does love me so much. He said that he doesn’t want a divorce. He said many things last night and I listened to him and validated his feelings.

The one thing that I did gather from our talk is that he has some issues with communication. He has tried to ignore problems we’ve had in our marriage. He waits until things get bad before he says anything. To be honest he doesn’t even really express them then. He just shuts down and I basically know at that point something is wrong. Then Instary asking questions and he’ll slowly open up.

He also doesn’t seem to get that it takes work to stay “in love” with someone. I did tell him that he seems to want so much from this relationship but doesn’t seem to be willing to do the work required to sustain a relationship.

He ended the conversation by saying he isn’t saying things can’t be fixed but he’s not sure if they can. He then reiterated that he wasn’t ready for a D.