Dealing with a WW trying to save marriage pt2

[SoTorn]

I am not going to validate that it's my fault.

Validation is not the same as agreeing. Nobody said to agree with her.
It's about listening and understanding. It isnt about what you believe to be TRUTH.
It's about what she believes and you showing empathy to understand her viewpoint (even if it's crazy or false).

A couple other things Ive noticed in your recent posts that I want to bring to you to consider.

1) You point out regularly that you arent going to talk to her about finances or things related to that. I dont really understand your reasoning for that. It has nothing to do with your relationship. Id say if she is willing to discuss reasonably and calmly, that it is something that makes sense to do. Why are you actively avoiding this talk?

2) I notice that you give off an air of "holier than thou" and judgment when talking with W. I dont really understand that attitude. That attitude for blaming and fault isnt really a way to resolve this. Youve both made mistakes - stop keeping score and try to move forward.

I explained why I wont talk finances. Because we dont need to. All the bills are paid. My check still goes towards the bills. So there's nothing to talk about. She uses her making more money as a pop intuitive thing.

I dont have a holier than though attitude. Every time she tries to talk she instantly blames me or finds some random justification for her false perception of me.

When WW does this i just disagree, advise I'm not going to talk if shes going to just blame me and if shes talking to OM still.

I'm not waiting for temp checks. I'm GAL. I have detached. Yes I see her due to IHS. Yes i notice shes trying to tempt check. I dont react to them at all. I'm staying cordial.

I am not pursuing her or initiating conversations. I am treating her like an introverted roommate.

At this point I have no expectations for her to change paths. Therefore, I'm doing 180 or NC if possible and in GAL.

In out running around today. Prior to me leaving WW asked why I always lock my car in the garage. I told her not to worry about that. WW kept pressing because I was trying to get out the door. I calmly told her that I have pictures of her with OM from when I caught her that I dont want the kids to see. I was being truthful. She stopped asking after that.

My wife is not telling me about any feelings. She has never done that. She never says "I feel like this" what comes out of her mouth is "you are going to be sorry for telling your mom about my A" how in the hell am I supposed to validate that?

WW isn't giving me anything to validate. If she does, I will listen and validate. Please understand that I have known WW for 21 years. I can tell when shes just trying to talk or if she is baiting me for conflict. As of now about 99% of her interactions are baiting me for conflict.

Therefore I will not talk to her or validate anything. If she suddenly starts telling me about feelings I'll switch modes.