Advice for newcomer pre- bomb drop.

[Bern19]

You say you married her b/c you saw her going through pain of her parents' D when she was 15. Was that your way of rescuing her and/or offering her a new life? I assume you were in love with her. But, was she really in love with you? (You don't have to type out a response, I just want you to think about it.) When a young teenage girl wants out of her current home life so badly, she'll nearly M the first boy that's willing to help her. I have seen so many girls marry young, trying to get out of a bad situation.

We both grew up in relatively conservative Christian homes, so we were just brought up that way. I know that's why she was so affected by her parents divorce. We dated as kids, but then split up when I went off to college. We ended up getting back together about 6 years later. I was and still am in love with her and I believe she was in love with me. Of course with all that has transpired lately, I'm questioning everything in my life. While I don't believe in divorce, I've been thinking that I need to prepare for it as she might make that decision for me, or leave me rethinking my own beliefs on the matter.

I will get working on the insurance info now as you're right, she may make the decision for me that forces me to figure that out. No sense in waiting...

As for the boundaries, I've been trying to figure that out. It seems everything I've read says to never leave the home. So not sure about a physical separation. Not sure if I asked her to leave if she would? I'm thinking not, unless I threaten exposure to the family/church/friends. That may be the final nail in the coffin of our M.

I realize that something has to change to get her attention. Right now she seems content to just go back to the way things were. I'm not sure why... if things were so bad that she had to seek out an affair, why would she want to go back there? I spent the first couple weeks doing all the wrong things (begging/pleading/pursuing) but as i've settled in I've realized that I wasn't all that happy with our marriage either. I don't want to go back to that stale relationship. I want to be a better husband, but I want something better, too. Why do I still want her? It would be much easier to just say screw this and move on with my life, but I know I'll regret it if I don't give everything I have to trying to revive my M.

I really need to figure this out as I've been doing pretty good with my detachment and GAL, but have been dealing with nightmares the past several nights. Makes starting each day real fun when you get a chance to relive the whole mess every night.