Validation is not the same as agreeing. Nobody said to agree with her. It's about listening and understanding. It isnt about what you believe to be TRUTH. It's about what she believes and you showing empathy to understand her viewpoint (even if it's crazy or false).
A couple other things Ive noticed in your recent posts that I want to bring to you to consider.
1) You point out regularly that you arent going to talk to her about finances or things related to that. I dont really understand your reasoning for that. It has nothing to do with your relationship. Id say if she is willing to discuss reasonably and calmly, that it is something that makes sense to do. Why are you actively avoiding this talk?
2) I notice that you give off an air of "holier than thou" and judgment when talking with W. I dont really understand that attitude. That attitude for blaming and fault isnt really a way to resolve this. Youve both made mistakes - stop keeping score and try to move forward.
