Thanks for your help and comments. As you can probably see, right now i am in a state of confusion.
I will get PM and check it out. 'emotionally fused' sounds like a concept i need to learn more about. I'm still trying to find my individuality...i felt that the temporary situation gave me some of that back, and i'm working hard to to try and maintain that, which is something else that is holding me back from recommitting to my M.
Yes, honey, the EA is definitely a road block. It has held me up through a rough time and given me self affirmation where there hadn't been any for a long time. It is an escape from reality and seems to be the only place i find happiness these days, yet I know that continuing it is a pull away from the M.
Quote: It has held me up through a rough time and given me self affirmation where there hadn't been any for a long time. It is an escape from reality...
Now40, that is a VERY true statement, more true than you know at this point, and it shows exactly where the problem is with the EA. What PM will show you is how you can provide yourself with validation and affirmation, instead of relying on getting it from someone else. Relying on others for a reflected sense of self leaves you vulnerable, because if their view of you changes (as is inevitable over time), you begin to lose your view of yourself. Being able to "shore yourself up" is extremely important to being able to sustain a long-term relationship. Good luck!
An update. I don't post lots, it's often hard for me to get into it, but here's what's been going on.
Been fighting some more depression since my last post but have had a decent week or so.
Seems i'm ND now. Not interested, libido seems to be off these days..sometimes i can spark it with a bit of porn but now that i have a wife willing and insisting on it every day (otherwise she'll feel rejected...oooh have i felt like dishing out a bit of that in revenge a few times), i don't find any spark within myself for ML.
I'm in the 'just do it' phase myself...once i'm into it everything is ok, but it's taking a lot of mental gymnastics to get me started. We're on a pretty regular one session per day, 2+ O's for her and 3+ for me, i'm just not excited about it.
Wife has gone above and beyond...we've bought some toys (first time ever), erotica, and have more on the way. Everything i thought i wanted and i feel really blase about that and life these days.
Still waiting for my copy of PM. I am hoping that it will help me through some of my M issues. From what i have been able to gather so far on these boards, i think i have a big problem with having been 'fused' in the relationship.
ok, i feel like i'm rambling at the moment..but needed to spew and see if i get any responses, even if they are barely relevant
Quote: Still waiting for my copy of PM. I am hoping that it will help me through some of my M issues. From what i have been able to gather so far on these boards, i think i have a big problem with having been 'fused' in the relationship.
Now40 - please don't despair. Keep the faith. When you get your copy of PM and read it, a LOT of things will become clear to you. No doubt your depression is playing havoc with you right now, but things WILL get better. You are making great progress, whether you know it or not. Keep the faith...
