Summary EA begins in early 2018. W drops bomb in July, we reconcile in Sept, I discover EA still intact in Oct, we become "friends". Over the past weekend I had PI follow her and have audio and video of EA turned PA (making out). I leave house sun, return mon and she says she wants to end marriage. I spell put terms.
Now facing D. We are not talking, she welcomed me into the guest room and has no problem with me staying there. House on market, realtor ok with dropping to minimum price to get out of it. Says it will prob sell at right price even in slow season.
Part of me wants to go all out (I would likely be able to get full custody). Another part wants to go dark, stay in the background and see what happens.
I'm not friends with her. She suggested that we remain friends if we get D. I told her no way. I said She would always be mother to my kids. As for us, she will be my wife or she will be nothing to me. "Friends" is what she referred to us after taking a step back.
My attorney suggested I not ruffle any feathers with regards to bedrooms. If she becomes more unstable she can file temp orders and have me removed from the house. I have to play things carefully.
As for terms. I told her. I'm not discussing details, that's for our attorneys. I am calling realtor in the morning and selling house for rock bottom price. I will not pursue you and you will respect my space and I will respect yours. I will not talk to you but we will try and get along in front of the children.
I also moved significant amount of money from joint checking to personal account. No more nails, hair, bikini waxes, clothes to fund her affair. I also told her not to use the truck I pay for to have her affair. She can used the smokey, old beater he drives if she wants to %#&# him.
My thoughts are this behavior will likely drive her toward him and away from me but at this point I don't care.
Good for you Hamburg! It's funny when they say they want to be friends yet treat us horribly. My H doesn't even giving a polite greeting, I have to initiate the conversation or nothing is said. I gave up and don't bother talking to him unless it's important or about our son.
Friends don't treat others the way these spouses treat us and I'm tired of it. Good for you for being strong and sticking to your guns.
Together for 13 years, married for 8. H is 46 I'm 40 S is 6 Bombdrop in April 2018 Still in limbo as of 2019
You are getting a lot of one kind of advice here, and that may be the advice you want. If you want to think of this in another way and are a Christian, I recommend rejoice ministries. I'm not saying not to go dark, that may be what is needed right now. But there is a way to keep peace in your own heart and not become consumed by bitterness or anger that will only limit your own potential for growth. Your marriage may be dead now but resurrection may be possible down the line. And either way, you want to find peace. DnJ and Gordie's threads might also provide some good food for thought.
Last edited by job; 11/21/1802:22 PM. Reason: Removed reference to another site creator for MLC
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
You appear to be very volatile (completely understandable). Very up and down (also understandable). Give yourself some time and space to think through this and make a calm, rational choice for you and your children. Put on your doctor /objective hat and view this from a little more distance. Often the hard lines we draw in the abstract become a little fuzzier as our feet near them. Reread Gordie's thread again and again. His wife was bloody awful and we all wanted him to run for the hills. Turns out she was just a woman in crisis who needed to really feel the loss of everything to understand its worth. Reread Irish's thread. His ex is bloody awful and looks like she always will be. Irish has an incredible relationship with his girls and has shown the kind of compassion that any woman would cherish in a mate. Reread DnJ, a story in progress, but a man who makes calm, considered, compassionate decisions. Regardless of the outcome. I think you want to be one of those guys and not one who burns her down because he can.
That is everyone. All of my doctor friends tell me to burn her to the ground. All my non doctor friends tell to wait and hope for her to come to her senses. I am giving the week off from any decisions, going back to work for 9 days straight and giving time and space. I am not speaking to her at all. No calls, texts, etc...
The W in the private investigator tapes is relentless and aggressively pursuing a loser. My attorney made me listen to entire video to make sure there is not a plot to harm or kill me (I never thought of that). This OM is seedy and dangerous. Arrested for domestic assault a few years ago. She even spent 15 minutes pleading why to him she's not a liar/bad person and begging him to tell her she's not. He didn't respond to her. She begged him to pick her up and felt comfortable in his arms (like a little girl would). She seems in full replay round 2 and must need some validation.The W I see at home seems to have some remorse and is very scared. She is planning for the worst (no job and no place to live after this house sells) and may turn around but I need to prepare for the worst as well. I feel my love slipping away but feel very sorry for her.
Made meeting with attorney in late Nov to prevent me from making a decision based on emotion.
Brain: burn her to the ground and inflict as much suffering as possible. What if we reconcile and this happens again in 3 months or 5 years? Move on and find someone who appreciates me for who I am. Is the relationship i want one where I'm lied to and have to hire PI to ensure what's happening? Do my children need an unstable figure who snaps at them every 30 minutes, and can't do 2nd grade homework without melting down? I have to get tested for STDs now due to this. That is unacceptable.
Heart: this is not the woman I fell in love with nor the woman I knew 2 years ago. She is in a crisis and is hurting badly. Her family is extremely concerned about her. I fear she may harm herself or the kids when she spirals downward. She is troubled. .
Father: be kind and considerate to the woman who brought my children into being, who will always be their mother, and whose health and happiness will have a bearing on my children for the rest of their lives.
Father: be kind and considerate to the woman who brought my children into being, who will always be their mother, and whose health and happiness will have a bearing on my children for the rest of their lives.
Yes this too. No matter what happens I want her to get the help she needs. She has mentioned depression throughout the years but refuses to talk to a professional about it.
