Looks like the SSM is no more for me...W has done a complete turnaround and is leading the charge. At this point ML is mostly daily or twice daily. W has stated that she intends to continue this for the future of our marriage and that this is not just a phase. She's a very determined person, and i see and believe her dedication to this...it's in my court to screw things up now. Even though she's said she's afraid that if i don't get some everyday i might pack up and leave again, it's not feeling like duty sex. She's actually working on things and wants to improve our sex life and learn and explore new things as well. Basically...what all of us HD's here have been looking for.
At what price? Things had built up inside me for a long time...life around the house was not good, as i was full of anger whenever i was around W. finally i blew up and moved out.
It seemed that that was the end of the M. I was prepared to move on. I think i was pretty much Emotionally Divorced by the time W said she wanted me to stay and would change to be able to provide what i needed. I'm still having a hard time putting myself 100% back into the M. Between finding myself ED, and other issues in the marriage that caused me lots of stress, and to some degree i was looking forward to moving away from, that now need to be dealt with. Not only do i see the gap that needs to be crossed, i'm not finding the energy within myself to start working on making that step.
My depression has lessened but its still here. After moving out and givine up on my M, i leaned heavily on a friend for emotional support. This lead to an OA/EA (with a very HD female at that) that i don't feel ready to let go of yet. As i look back, i realize that for the past 3 years i had been searching for an OA before i did walk away.
anyway..there's the good and the bad and i need to work now on sorting myself out.
