I had lunch with a girlfriend today. We chatted a little about her impending D. Her sitch is so different. They are still in the same house, and they are friendly (even banterish) but the D is really adversarial. Neither can wait for it to be over. He has no interest in spending time with the children or of providing for them properly once the D is finalised. We started having problems at the same time, and it is strange how hers progressed so quickly (and he is still at home) whilst mine has been in limbo forever (and he MO in march). There is no sign of a divorce on the horizon and my H wants to be with us more than he doesn't.
For those that are wondering, he was back again this evening. He picked the girls up from school, brought them back here (I told him I would be home), and then we all had dinner together. He has taken D9 to her tutor and then will bring her back after.
I keep thinking back to how those that respond to my thread say I am on the right track and the signs, no matter how minute, indicate that his feelings towards me are changing ever so slowly. But it does not feel like that. It feels like with each stunted interaction, each truth not fully given, I am pushing him further and further away. By showing him that I am living my life 'without a care in the world' that I am somehow saying the line has been crossed, the rope has been dropped, and I do not want you back.
How does a proud man come back if he thinks you do not want him back?
