New chapter....with or without her

[EZdozit]

I do feel like the momentum has shifted in my favor if that is a thing.

One thing I failed to mention about yesterday’s interaction has me feeling some guilt today.

W had asked that I bring her heavy coat from the house since we’ve already had a couple of snowfalls. 3 week’s back when she came to the house one of the items she had asked for were Xmas stockings that her deceased mom had made for all of us...one which said S’s name, one that said Mom...and one that said Dad. During that exchange, W and I had argument in which she threw the Dad stocking at me as she told me to keep it in her anger.

I later asked if I could give it to her for her father to have....given that her mom made it. She refused and said to keep it.

So back to the exchange yesterday, in the bag that I had brought her heavy coat in I discretely put the Xmas stocking at the bottom. I felt I needed to given the fact it was an item her mom had made for us. It was just another reminder of what’s gone.

I feel guilt in the fact that I’ve realized I have never really had a chance to grieve the loss of her mom myself. Shortly after her death, my life was flipped upside down as BD occurred and it put me into survival mode. I feel guilt because her mom was also a mother to me and I was very close with her..she was my biggest advocate. I don’t know if W will take this as an insult...but do feel like in order to move forward, I need somewhat of a clean break and want to start fresh with new holiday traditions for S and I.

Maybe I’m making this more of an issue than it needs to be...but woke up this morning just reminiscing....grieving....W mom for the first time in 9 months.