13 yrs and two kids pt. 2.

[Hurt213]

Update:

So B,

it is actually amazing, how your advice to see her actions, and then trying to put them up towards my expectations of the person I am supposed to be in a R with. It triggers something inside me, that makes me fully understand how I am being mistreated (even though it doesn't stick yet).

Neffer,

I am definetely trying to GAL more. Yesterday I booked tickets for the cinema (okay don't freak out - I actually haven't been to the cinema for 3 years because, well, we have two kids - I see how much me and WW have neglected our relationship). I took my sister as an appreciation of all the support I have been given through this so far, and we watched Bohemian Rhapsody, and had a great time - I didn't think of WW until the end, where my thoughts unfortunately caught up, and I began thinking about how I would have loved to share this with WW (if she was not the person she is right now). It all began when Steve and his wife acknowledged that he was gay, and that their marriage could not continue - my thoughts began to drift to my broken relationship - oh well, what can you do.

So leading up to GAL yesterday:

I came home after work, and for the past 3 days, WW have been giving me a compliment every day (yea I know not to put anything into it, but its hard). She complimented me on taking both kids to the swimming pool. She complimented me yesterday on something she admired about me. And today she expressed gratitude that I always remember when there is "bring your toy to daycare day and these special days". <-- She has been complimenting me before about my clothes, but it was in the beginning, when the affair was REALLY deep, and I could read between the words back then, how she was just trying to show me that "oh you have plans? go out and have a good time, cause I absolutely don't care". And she didn't, which was obvious.

I know me thinking about it seems needy, and it probably is, but yea im faking it till I make it so to speak, and I am not talking with her about it of course. Yesterday she asked if I was going out, and I said "yes". Then silence - 5 minutes later she asks if I will be coming home to sleep, because if not, then she will have to shower before I go, as there will be no time in the morning, if she has to take the kids to daycare. I just responded I would be able to help the following day (but kept it a mystery, when I would be home).

I headed to the shower, put on some nice clothes, a nice cologne and, if I must say so my self, looked really good. I then went into the living room, kissed D4 goodnight, and got the elevator stare from WW. Usually in these situations where I go, she has been really "joyful" and almost cheering me out the door. Yesterday, she didn't even comment on my looks, clothes or anything. She just avoided my eyes and went straight to D4's room so she could tug her in. It actually satisfied me, being the one in control for once.

She is without a doubt in contact with OM, and im a wreck for paying so much attention to things I can't control, however this is my current state of mind, and I am working on bettering myself, which is all I can do.

I will GAL tonight again. She has been acting extremely kind the past days, and maybe she is just happy that I "dumped her", so she can move on, and maybe she is beginning to act on the fact that im not around the house, talking and chatting her up as I used to - Im not a fortuneteller so I don't know, and I won't spend mental energy trying to figure it out.

Plans for today:

Work 8 - 15.00
Gymnastics with my kids 16 - 18.00
Fitness 18.45 - 20.15
Coffee with a friend 20.45 - 21.30
Bedtime 21.45.

Sorry for my mess - I am just trying to put down into words, what are in my thoughts.

As always, thank you for all your contributions, they are so so helpful.