Still feeling sick but doesn’t seem to be getting worse so I’m hoping to be able to go to work tomorrow. Tonight was a little rough. My kids got into an argument with one another. Both were in tears. It took a long time to unravel what had happened. Hurt feelings all around. My son is struggling with some of the kids at school. My daughter tries to support but feels caught between him and her friends. They sometimes say mean things to each other when their feelings get hurt. Managed to talk it out and they apologized and love each other again. It still irks me that my H misses this stuff 90% of the time...the good, the bad. He’s just not there. I am sad about that. My kids are missing out having that other parent’s perspective. And he is missing out on opportunities to be there for his kids and to teach them things. He will realize that one day. That the price he paid was far greater than the reward. But it is his journey. I have no influence over him anymore. What will be will be.
I’ve been thinking about tomorrow morning when he comes to pick up my D to take her to tutoring. Usually he arrives a bit early and has a coffee and we have a quick chat. In light of yesterday’s “talk”, I am feeling like I just want to stay in my room and not see him. Give him the space he seems to need so badly. I thought I had been but even when I have no contact, he seems somewhat haunted by me. I have resolved not to contact him going forward unless absolutely necessary and am pretty sure I can go two full weeks without seeing him if I plan it. So that’s what I think I am going to do. I need to honour his request but I also need to give myself a break from seeing him.
