I understand your nervousness due to your H and his apparent increase in focusing on the children. Is he mostly focusing on daughter or both?
It is not surprising that he is attempting to have conversations about you and his views on things. I believe your daughter is the younger of your two children, and perhaps H has seen her as more his favourite.
From my own children’s experiences when they spoke up for themselves and told their Mom what they thought, not mean or cruel, just their feelings and beliefs, she quit speaking to them. S17 was the first one to speak up, and received the most backlash from W.
My children are older than your’s, however your children still have a voice and can speak. I do like your coaching and letting daughter know it is ok to speak up, and how to speak up. If she is not getting good results, maybe something more direct.
Dad, that’s between you and Mom. How about we just do something fun together.
It is not just with MLC where children are used as pawns. In the sad dance that is divorce, sometimes children become unwilling participants. It is good that you are speaking with your children. Continue to let them know you are there for them, and care for them. Allow them to speak to you, about anything. You will likely get some defiant back talk and other behaviour - all normal. You are the sane parent and if they cannot or do not feel safe speaking with their Dad, they need to let out their pent up feelings and will send them your way.
Keep listening to your son and daughter, you will see what they are looking for, what they are struggling with.
Try not to worry to much about H’s attempts to get the kids to not like you. Kids are much smarter than we give them credit, they will see through his smokescreen and see the truth. They can figure out genuine vs acting.
My own kids know W’s tricks, stuff I only recently found out about. They figured it out all on their own, saw it for what it was, and deal with it in a manner they felt acceptable with. I am sure something similar will happen for your’s, they will just need a little guidance, maybe, here and there.
Gerda, you are in a much better place than a few months ago. It shows in your writings.
Stay strong, and keep up the great work.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
