Advice for newcomer pre- bomb drop.

[Bern19]

My question is why would a man keeping plugging along trying to have a MR while his W is trying to have a relationship with another man? I know that you said you didn't think they were in a PA, currently. It doesn't mean she wouldn't like to be in a PA. The fact that she is still working with him, speaks volumes. Don't get me wrong here, b/c I'm not telling you to run out and get a divorce, rather than try to save your MR. I'm trying to see how you look at this picture.

I guess like most guys on here it's because I still love my wife. I'm finally starting to wrap my head around the idea that she no longer exists and this new person is not who I fell in love with. To further complicate things, I don't personally believe in divorce. I know it sounds stupid, but I married this woman because I saw the pain that she went through when her parents divorced when she was 15 years old. She swore that she would never put her family through anything like she went through. Yet, here we are... Obviously that's not the only reason I married her, but was something that I considered before I chose to give my heart to her.

Is there someone in the family that has an ongoing physical health issue? Have you researched other insurance companies? It may come down to choosing between insurance and marriage.

Yes, I deal with afib and was diagnosed with heart failure two years ago. I have insurance available to me through my job, but it's nowhere near what we can get through her job. (govt.). That and the pre-existing condition issue have me stuck between a rock and a hard place. That is why I haven't dropped this on her as a boundary as I'm not sure if I'm ready to back it up until I have researched the health insurance things.

What other boundaries are you considering?

Since I can't yet back up the boundary of quitting her job, I'd like to state something about not sharing her with him in any capacity. Not as lovers, friends, buddies or anything. I can't be with her as long as she is having any contact with him. I get that it's hard to enforce when they can see each other every day. I do have one ally at her work that I can count on to hold her accountable, but there are two others there that will go out of their way to protect her and may have even encouraged her affair.