OMG Pain. I am so sorry you are going through this. I so know what you mean about the holidays. I am dreading them as well. I,too, feel a bit stuck at the moment. I am grieving...not so much what was but more so what could have been...if I had only figured things out sooner...if I had made an effort...if he had...if we had talked instead of burying our heads in the sand...if...there are a thousand ways to finish that sentence. I know it does me no good to go down that road but I find myself doing it anyway. Give yourself a break. You are only human. This is a lot for one person to handle and also to keep up a brave front for our kids who really need us to be strong. Mine have told me numerous times since they got back from H's last night that they missed me terribly and are constantly checking in to make sure I am alright. Da*n, they are intuitive little creatures. No matter how many times I reassure them, they still feel the need to keep asking. Makes me feel like I haven't handled this as well as I should have. Anyway...just wanted to drop by to give you some support. I KNOW how hard this is. You are doing well. OM is a symptom and CANNOT replace you in your D's mind and heart. He is not a permanent addition to your lives. Drop the rope and it will die a natural death. Increase the pressure and you will only push them toward one another. Sending you long distance (((HUGS))) and all the positive energy I can muster. Wish it was more.
