Whirlwind of Hurt 5

[Twofeet]

Later W texted me in the evening. She wanted to know if I was ok, if I made it through the weekend alright. I really didn't feel like responding, but we have some kid logistics to figure out for the week and I don't feel like waiting last minute. So I text phone call? She says yes then calls me.

I hate that text! Like she's feeling sorry for you. Text "I'm great thanks for asking" Another call? Why?

I like phone calls, I don't like texting. I have had times in my life where texting has been misinterpreted by people and caused further problems. Phone calls seem to solve that. I also didn't like that text, I am not some sad sack that needs her sympathies. I didn't cause this train wreck she did, she should feel sorry for the havoc she has caused.

She says they are being rambunctious and have been stressing her out. I tell her they don't stress me out they are fun and exciting.

Validation, Validation, Validation you dismissed her feelings.

Yep I screwed up. I realized it after our phone conversation. Just posting to show I am struggling and I have work to do.

We talk kids logistics, I mentioned SIL bible and the weird text convo. W says SIL is just processing her R with me and how its changing. I asked if W said something to SIL (probably shouldn't have said that) . W said no, but I just need to not let my feelings get hurt and accept that I am not going to be around for SIL. I tell W I understand all this and I have always been tough don't worry me.

Was this convo necessary?

Nope, It wasn't. Her and her sister clearly have been talking and likely she is playing the victim or shutting down the friendship between SIL and myself. I felt it was going to happen. I need to just let it play out and not bother me, nothing I can do. Just disappointing because I am losing a SIL, and a niece and nephew.

W says it's not like I would call your sister. ( Which is true because why would my sister want to talk to someone who wont work out their own personal problems, quit on a MR for selfish reasons, and break up a family.) I needed to 180 the direction of the convo so finished up logistics.

These are call consequences.

Honestly, I don't think dropping contact with my family is something she sees as a consequence. I think she is happy with it, even though they have always been loving towards her.

Told W I never got to talk to D8, she said I can always call W phone. I reminded her I did Sat morning. Finished up the convo, W said it was good hearing from you. Then we said our goodbyes. She had the same what I would describe as timid tone from Sat.

You guys talk more than some married couples I know.

Yes we were figuratively attached at the hip. We were BF since we started dating in HS, and probably spent too much time together and not enough as individuals. We still slip up and catch ourselves using petnames. I personally try to be extra cautious so I don't do it.

What is reality and what is manipulation?

Can you expand more on what you mean by this question?

I just have been having doubts at times, its a weakness/problem I am trying to work through. I look back and wonder if I have just been duped this whole time. Was there signs she was having personal troubles? Yes and I tried to help anyway I could when she asked. Was there signs of D or her problems turning to D? None that I still can figure out, but like I said sometimes I feel like the dumb guy, or just duped. Also, it feels like she is turning me into the bad guy, and the world is believing her. They way she talks all timid to me like she is the victim.
Did she move us back to our home state in Dec. with the intent of divorce? I have wondered that even though there is strong is evidence to the contrary. Is she turning the kids against me? Are they distancing themselves against me? No real evidence, just my own self-doubts. Any attitudes they have are likely just a reflection of W attitude when they spend time with her.

I still have a lot to process mentally to be able to move on. I will be a better lighthouse at that point.