My H seemed pretty dead set against finding another relationship. He is adamant that is not what he wants. But that is for now... I don't think it will last. I think the only people my H has any feelings for right now is his kids. He has barely said two words to his mom. In a sense, he has abandoned her as well. He knows she does not approve of what he has done so he avoids her.
I have been hoping my H would change his mind but I think that when WAH's get up enough nerve to leave and there is no OW involved, they are much more resolved than someone who is running to someone else. I think they have been thinking about it longer and "planning" for it. Returning is something they cannot consider because it took them so long to get up the courage to leave. I don't know this for sure, but it makes sense to me when I really think about it. Despite his claim to not have a "plan", my H has been quite methodical in the way that he has gone about this. Step by step... at first saying it was temporary, then saying he's "not ready" to return [implying that he might be some day], then slowing moving things over to his new place and starting to reduce his contact with me. Every time I asked him directly what was going on, he shrugged his shoulders and denied that he was planning on anything and that he didn't know what to call our situation. Last night was the first time he said "separation" and wanted to start a conversation about finances but I shut that down. Given my frame of mind at the time, it was not going to go well. So that will be for another day. In the meantime, I am going as dark as possible and take care of me and my kids. I can't stop him from doing what he is going to do but I don't have to make it easy for him either... not until it is something that I want too.
I do hope your re-evaluation talk with your H goes well Grace. I also think you should prepare yourself for the worst. It seems to me that if he is thinking about coming home, you will start to see some signs soon. My H bought our kids bunkbeds. That was a sure indication that he sees this becoming a permanent arrangement. It hurts beyond belief but it is what it is. As I told my H last night, I know I will survive and I know our kids will adjust but they will never be the same and we will never be the same. The intact family that we vowed to keep together when we decided to have kids is no longer important to my H. He is but a shell of the person that I married and it is sad to see. There are no winners.
