Sorry to hear of your sitch. Draw strength from your Faith and Believe in the Process. I hope you find peace where at least the sleeping gets better. That would be a good start.
I am H43(me)W43, 24T 14M S10 S6 with WW and first two months were tough but once I started to let go, things became easier. You will get there. I had been drinking and taking pills to sleep. My boys sleep in the room with W and when I put the little one to sleep sometimes I would lay at the edge of the bed to just be with them all, I would get drowsy then walk to the MBR thinking my W would follow. I would have dreams of her and wake up thinking she would materialize by me saying it was all a bad dream. I get the pain, but once you let go it gets easier to deal with. I hope that time comes soon for you.
I'm no expert, just another guy sharing his thoughts... We all have to go through this stage, but we will also eventually come to terms and accept things for what they are. How or when, that's up to each individual, but if you listen to the ones who have been there and take the advice, maybe not today or tomorrow, you will be a better person for it.
I haven't read every post, but from pages of what I did read, I saw a lot holding onto the past, a lot of "things" you were doing, but were any of those actions taken done with a purpose for you, with you in mind, like what is your goal for yourself. I seen a lot of actions, what about self reflecting, slowing it down, believing in it will be better no matter what that outcome will be like. I know it's hard to let go, but keep the focus on other things for yourself. I sense you are , like many of us, wanting to make these changes so W can see and take us back to R, gotta expect nothing. This way it's genuine and not manipulative and you aren't let down if nothing happens which often times can seem like the case, but I won't go all psychoanalytical.
Have you tried the thought block process in the DR book? If you think 31 years or W or D, if anything causes you to start feeling down, immediately force yourself to think of something good, something to help recenter you, so you're at peace. You're blessed with kids and grandkids. It's like the glass half full, half empty expression. The glass and water aren't going away but how will you look at life.
Just wanted to reach out. Wake up and tell yourself something positive. What do you want to be or do. Who is this better person? Then be that person for one day. I woke telling myself, Be the rock, respect her, be there for the kids, expect nothing.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
