Last night W brought S back home, and we talked for a couple of hours. Some was good, some was arguing. S just kept hugging us and trying to push us closer together. I think it got to both of us.
When she was leaving, she hugged me. She insisted that it all should be over. After a bit, she texted me another bit of information that feels a LOT like another gem:
"I know you don't believe me but I wish things had played out differently. I wish you had made better choices. I wish I had, too. But it's done and it's over and there's no point belaboring the issue anymore. It'd be one thing if you could even take ownership of your part in all of this, but you literally cannot, so I know that nothing will or could ever change. Have a good night."
That last bit, about taking ownership.
Which I honestly have tried to do all along...but maybe I just didn't do it the way she needed me to...I don't know.
I need to figure that out. Fast.
I realized last night that I'm NOT over her. Not even close. I need her in my life. Okay, NEED sounds whiny...but you guys and girls know what I mean.
I really need to fix this while I have a shot. She's going to file again as soon as she can, I know that.
So right now, I need a miracle.
She hugged me before she left.
I hope I can figure this out. I'll be okay if it doesn't work...but I have got to pay attention.
ADHD is really, really difficult. It's hard to undo damage when I can't focus on anything other than how bad I feel.
