Thank-you AS and Davide. I think I held myself together quite well and I definitely did not beg for another chance. I did, however, toss some truth darts his direction which may or may not have been a good idea. At points in our conversation, we actually laughed a bit... usually because of a sarcastic comment I made or a couple of times because he commented how stubborn I am in that I won’t just look at him and see a lost cause. He hates that I won’t hate him or give him a really good reason to feel the way that he does. I did, at the end of our conversation, tell him that I cannot be his friend. He commented that that really s*cked but he understood. He UNDERSTANDS every bad feeling I have...does not react, does not get angry... just sits there like a scolded child ready to take his punishment. I’m not going to give him that satisfaction. He is just so darn immature in how he just caves to every feeling that he has. He still cannot tell me what his values are. He definitely doesn’t live by any real ones that I can tell. He has literally brainwashed himself into thinking that S and D are the only path to happiness and I think this is the part that really makes me think he is gone. He told his D18 in January that he moved with me and the kids closer to my family so he could get a fresh start. Last night he told me he did it because he thought that I if lived closer to my twin, I would be okay if he left. This from a man who claims he didn’t (and still doesn’t) have a plan. I couldn’t help myself...I told him “congratulations...you have everything you wanted. Destruction of family complete.” Not my finest moment but honestly...it’s been four years of self-indulgent, deceitful behaviour on his part and I am not a perfect person by any means, but he is in a whole different category. I WISH I wanted to date right now or that I could just feel something different than this but I would be as dishonest as he is to bring some unsuspecting person into this mess. I just hate how short-sighted he is and how positive he is that his feelings are unchangable therefore everyone else should just get in line and live their lives according to what he wants or doesn’t want. That’s where resentment creeps in... the unfairness of this situation is hard to accept. But I am endeavouring to get there.
