You handle yourself well, likely because it comes from a place of love and patience. Keep strong and go with your gut not your emotions. Its tough to do at times but focus more head than heart. Detach for yourself and continue to take care of your own emotional needs through friends/your children; you matter too.
Its pretty common to flop back and forth with the stages and to have them happening at the same time. In this situation the best thing to do is not make any decisions on reaction and impulse; leave the impulsive irrational stuff to them.
You impress me Hamburg, your W is a lucky woman its a shame she doesn't appreciates her blessings presently.
On a legal note, best to not leave the residence good advice by your attorney.
Dark is a good idea; you do it for you, not for them. Going dark to manipulate never works, its so you can detach from the drama and manipulation/emotional control from them.
I realize this is moo presently; the urge to escape and avoid or "run" is very strong it takes a lot of strength to fight it. Midlifers are known to do some mind boggling and wayyyyyy out of character replay behaviours; lie, cheat, steal, etc. The way I look at it is as though they are a rebellious teenage/child. They are in adult situations but with the thought process of a teenager that is why everything they do lacks maturity and is hard to comprehend for those looking in. They think how can this mother and wife do this?? What kind of mother abandons her children, becomes narcissistic in their way with entitlement behaviour? They literally are internally detached from that identity. They know they are a mother but on another level internally are detached from it. Its hard to explain. Its like they are detached in general from their life and their identity. That's why they do the things they do. People say they know what they are doing so they are responsible for it. I agree and disagree. They know yes, but they are detached, kind of like watching a movie. They aren't cognitively able to take responsibility fully for their actions until there is some clarity, until then they will not recognize their behaviours damage, to a degree yes, but not to the extent you expect or desire. From my experience anyways. Another way I look at replay is; lets say you are 16 and your curfew is 11pm. You are at a party and it is really awesome. All your friends are there and it is the party of all parties. You are suppose to be home in 15 minutes, man....so what do you do? You say "F it" I don't want to miss out, I will deal with mom and dad after. And since you are already going to be in trouble, might as well go for the gusto and get home at 5am...for some the next morning and others 2 days later.
On a side note about your comment on loneliness; I know someone had said they don't feel lonely because of the replay highs, but from my experience loneliness was a constant theme through my own crisis, a deep feeling of loneliness that fueled my behaviour, even during replay. It wasn't from anywhere I could pinpoint, therefore I blamed my H. My sister and H have both vocalized loneliness throughout their crisis as well as a need for attention.
Hugs to you~
Watching the sky for the space shuttle return...relief, lights at last BD May/12 (37, H41- D18 D13 S11) July 2012 ILYBNILY reconcile oct/12 no AP 2nd BD Jan/18 start again Original AP
