Whirlwind of Hurt 5

[Twofeet]

Other than what was previously posted, the week went well. The weekend.....
Fri after work I went for my run, then shower, then get ready to go to dinner to reconnect with old friends whom W burned our friendship with. During the run and shower I missed a call from W. When I called her back she said she was so happy I called her back, she was getting D8 from a birthday party on my side of town and said the kids wanted to see me. She asked to come to my house for a visit, but said she guessed I had plans. I said yes I was just about to step out as I was very busy this evening. She sounded disappointed, but thanked me for calling her back. I said goodbye and got off the phone.

I met with the friends (they are a married couple who I was friends with individually when we were in HS) for dinner, they had some exciting news to share, and I caught up with their life. Unfortunately, the conversation turned toward my life so I told them. They were extremely shocked, and I was prepared for the rest of the dinner to be focused on D. I have to get it out of the way to move on with them. W and the woman of the couple were childhood friends so it was very hard for her to hear the news. She was still in the dark and questioned why W burned their friendship 3 years ago. I told her I can't speak for W and I dont really know for sure. All I ever got was that she was just done. Her husband also knew W from childhood so this D upset him as well. The woman told me about her annulment from her first marriage, they split up 3 month into the marriage as her 1st husband went nuts. If I felt the need to go that route both myself and the woman agreed it's very doubtful I would be granted an annulment. We did everything so traditional and by the book it doubtful even if it mattered to me which at this point it doesn't. Anyway, they wished me the best, told me to be strong for the kids, and we set future plans for Dec. After, I went to my parents to watch cfb and pick up an old record player and some old records they wanted me to have.

I didn't go hunting this weekend because I was coming down with a cold. It's hard to stalk a deer with a bow when you are sniffling, sneezing, and coughing. So sat morning I ran errands with my mom and sis. I quickly called W up to check D8 size for a winter coat. W was acting very timid on the phone it was weird. I also asked W to tell D8 to turn on her kid phone so I could call her. W said if she had time she would tell her. Well I know that mean no. Anyway Sat was busy with errands, jobs and projects around the house, and working out. Sun was church with MIL. On Thursday MIL told me that if I meet someone down the road, she will always be the kids grandma and will always treat me like a son. To never worry she will always be there for me and the kids. So after church, it was shopping, chores, walking the dog, and a visit from my Dad.

I found SIL bible in my house when I was going through boxes. I texted her about it. She said she would get it from me or I could give it to W. I told SIL that bringing it over would be a good excuse for a visit someday. She then text that now is not a good time just give it to W. That seemed odd so I asked her is everything ok, she said yes so I told her I would give it to W.

Later W texted me in the evening. She wanted to know if I was ok, if I made it through the weekend alright. I really didn't feel like responding, but we have some kid logistics to figure out for the week and I don't feel like waiting last minute. So I text phone call? She says yes then calls me. She asks about me and how I am handling the weekend without the kids. I say I am doing good, just very busy. I tell her I do miss the kids and can't wait to see them tomorrow. She says they are being rambunctious and have been stressing her out. I tell her they don't stress me out they are fun and exciting. We talk kids logistics, I mentioned SIL bible and the weird text convo. W says SIL is just processing her R with me and how its changing. I asked if W said something to SIL (probably shouldn't have said that) . W said no, but I just need to not let my feelings get hurt and accept that I am not going to be around for SIL. I tell W I understand all this and I have always been tough don't worry me. W says it's not like I would call your sister. ( Which is true because why would my sister want to talk to someone who wont work out their own personal problems, quit on a MR for selfish reasons, and break up a family.) I needed to 180 the direction of the convo so finished up logistics. Told W I never got to talk to D8, she said I can always call W phone. I reminded her I did Sat morning. Finished up the convo, W said it was good hearing from you. Then we said our goodbyes. She had the same what I would describe as timid tone from Sat.

After I called D8, we had a nice little convo. The other 2 kids were too busy watching a show to talk on the phone. D8 was distant on the phone, but I think that is my own insecurities talking in my head. I am getting that gut feeling like W is manipulating me and or the sitch. Post-BD SIL was professing her sisterly love how I will always be her big bro she never had, and call her anytime. Besides the text convo today I feel like she has been distancing herself. I guess it was bound to happen, but I feel like W is saying negative things as well. OH WELL. Right now I don't feel like W is ever coming back, it's just sad and disappointing. I have been crying a lot all week and this weekend. Sometimes it happens out of the blue. I am not stopping the emotions, I just let them out. However, it will be nice when this dies down. I have been questioning my reality. The one thing I thought was going to be the most likely constant is gone. What is reality and what is manipulation? What I never doubted or questioned I am now wondering if that is even real. I think I just need to sleep off these feelings. Hopefully I will feel better in the morning.