13 yrs and two kids pt. 2.

[Hurt213]

Update:

So a couple of days has passed, and I simply have not had the energy to journal over the weekend, so here goes.

Friday morning I went to work, knowing that WW would be going to OM and spend the night there (I am really struggling with controlling my emotions on these days <-- I don't say anything, I know she is going, she knows it, and thats it).

So friday after work, I picked up the kids, and we had a decent afternoon - my thoughts were all over the place. When the kigs were tugged in, I kinda broke down on the couch (it felt good afterwards). I realized, that my thoughts being about WW, took away my focus and willpower to be 100% dedicated to my kids that afternoon, and that really hurt. I decided there and then, that whenever I was with the kids, it will be 100% me and the kids.

I went to do do some financing later in the evening and wouldn't you know it... She used our mutual account to pay in a cinema 25 miles away (guess they don't want anyone to know). I just let it pass, even though it got to me a little (yea im being honest here...) However I plan to tell her, to reimburse the mutual account with the money she withdrew as I am not financing her dating life.

I went to bed early and woke up early (bonus!). Me and the kids had a great morning (implemented thoughts from friday), and just decided to "be in the moment with them". I them made them ready for a birthday party, that one of D's friends was hosting. Apparently WW was invited too. She came directly from OM, and I really felt disgusted.

When we got there, I was socializing with the other adults and trying to ignore WW. I waited until she had sat down at the table, and then seated myself on the opposite side. She then proceeded to stand up, and move around the table to sit next to me... WTF. She tried to play "Family" for the entire time we were there, interacting in conversations and trying to include me like: "oh yea haha, we also did that one year... it was great. Remember, Hurt?" I ignored her mostly, and smiled and engaged in conversations with the others and played with the kids.

She was real tired and on her phone for most of the time there (wonder why - not that I should care I KNOW :)). When we got back to the house later, she just took her jacket off, went to the couch, and fell asleep. The kids actually covered her with blankets and pillows, so they couldn't see her - That made me laugh somehow.

I went to bed early saturday after having tugged in the kids.

Sunday we woke up early. I cleaned the house (she actually helped). Then after S woke from his nap, I took both kids and went to the swimming pool for the day. When we came home, she had just arrived home from a run or whatever.

She tried a lot to engage in talk, and I answered her questions about the kids day. She proceeded to tell me, that she thought I was super great and awesome<--- yes her words.. for taking both kids with me to the pool by my self. I said, that I appreciated that, and the kids had a good time.

Later she made dinner, some fancy fish dish and she apparently also made my lunch <-- Guess she liked the day off.

I went to bed early, real tired, and I could hear that she stayed up for a while.

This morning her phone went off like mad (snapchat), and she came out of her bathroom like her behind was on fire. She took the phone, ran to her room, and I could her mad texting going on. Didn't care (lies, it annoyed me). She then came out of the room, asked me if I could take the kids to daycare so she could leave early... I immediately knew why, and I said no.

She then asked if I could pick up the kids from daycare this afternoon (im guessing so she can go to OM - thought in this is that she is going to find the time anyways, so I might as well pick up the kids so I can have quality time with them).

I plan to GAL tonight, might to see a movie (no, I won't be paying it from our mutual account LOL).

So, WW is still deep with OM for sure. She is being used as a no strings attached booty call, and she thinks that he will come around and evolve the feelings she craves if she just plays along.

Me, im just trying to mind my own business. I have read the DR book now, and it looks to me like my only option is to do the Last Resort Technique, work on my 180 behaviors and then GAL.

My D5 has begun wedding the bed from time to time, and that is totally new. S1 is really emotional these days. I think it has to do with what is going on, and we talked about it, because WW noticed as well - however it was all normal behaviour and had nothing to do with the current family situation according to her - Okay then...

Im being 100% honest with my feelings and behaviors, because that is the only way I can be told with 100% honesty, when I do something good, and when I am a retard that [censored] things up.... I don't take anything personal, I just really appreciate all the help.

Remember - Me and WW are not married, but have been together for 13 years. Maybe she is really just over me, I don't know if it is so different if you never "put a ring on it". Maybe she just sees it as a done relationship, and then really has moved forward with a new man, despite our history and two kids. I am still confused to this part, and that is why I don't really know if DR book applies to me in general.