Well...the good news is that my team won our division in our tournament. The bad news is my H brought the kids home and then wanted to talk. Ugh. Not good. He was all emotional and basically told me that he wants me to give up on him. He wants me to love the kids, love myself but not love him. In other words, please give up all hope that we will get back together. Damn my expressive face. It was a very long conversation. Probably did not handle it the way I should have. I didn’t get super emotional but we did talk about a lot of things and I was honest with him without being desperate. He wants to be free of the guilt he feels when he looks at me, I guess. He referred to himself as a broken man. Says he is not interested in dating other people but would be okay if I did (uh...no thanks). He sees me as a “friend” and gave me the whole ILYBNILWY speech... would like us to be friends. Weird coincidence but when he launched into his speech about how I should let him go (umm...you don’t live here anymore), the song “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Raitt was on. WTF?!? That was so not how I thought the rest of my evening was going to go. Turned a great weekend into a pretty crappy one. So I guess not much has changed except that he basically said everything that I already knew only it feels more ominous now. Like I really should give up hope and accept that he isn’t coming back. Surprisingly...I am not as shattered as I thought I would be. Sad but not coming apart. Really sad for my kids...that they have to settle for a part-time dad. They deserve better. We all do. Going to try to distract myself with a good tv show. Love and hugs to you all.
