Feeling lost, scared and wanting to fix this. Pt 3

[Turbine]

W was home when I got home. Means we don't have to drive on the grass in the morning. She is cooking some veggies. May offer me some, may not. Not asking nor expecting. Very brief exchange I initiated. Offered there was thawed chicken breast in the fridge if she wanted. Asked if she had any garbage in her room to go to the curb. Ignored the first, curt reply to the second. Response to the second was I'm taking the garbage out, nothing more.

She doesn't ever take it out so it is a chore either my BiL or I attend to.

So... is that bad Turbine, stop doing that or Okay Turbine you aren't walking on eggshells around Mrs. Turbine. I wasn't looking for anything from her. Okay, maybe whatever garbage she had in her room which I don't care about more than getting it to the curb.

I suppose I have over the course of our marriage not said no to her often enough or more likely over the wrong stuff. Yes I would be upset when I was trying to be amorous and she rebuffed me. Not romantic enough, wrong time, whatever. Big time bad on me. That's on me. Assuming I could read her mind... Nope... her not me. Yes I want to do better, preferably with her. No I am not telling her that now. Will I get to? God willing yes. In the meantime I need to work on Turbine 2.0, so I have a chance at MR 2.0.

Talking with my aunt I learned she is not hosting Thanksgiving. She is getting over a bug. One of their friends is fighting a fever right now and her son has bronchitis. All of which adds up to a hostile environment for her daughter who has started chemo. If it weren't for bad luck I think my family would have none. If I believed in reincarnation I'd suspect my family is the Borgia's come back and this is karma. Fortunately I don't.

Another big goal is to not do something really stupid right now. Because I can go stupid moves really well. Even after thinking about them in the way laid out in DR. Will this advance me toward my goal or force a retreat?

I try to ensure that what I think is making it to the screen. Because even proof reading I find I am filling in what I wrote with extra details. So if something comes across as a head scratcher, please ask.