Just a quick update, the H and I went to our 4th MC session and as much as I was dreading it, I am realizing that my H has been emotionally unavailable and not letting me in in some big areas of his life. It has been validating for me and empowering. When he dropped the DB back in mid August, he blamed me for not being there for him, didnt have enough sex, depressed etc, and now that we are dissecting the way we communicate, (interpret our communication),or lack of, I realized my H is pretty shut down and has not let me in, cant express himself and some things he just wont talk about. Anyhoo we have homework and are reading a book called “hold me tight”, therapist recommended it and it has been an eye opener.
My H has been traveling and while away I went to visit my S at his BS. Yesterday my H called me from the hospital( he is in another country) and was jumped late at night and has injuries that make it not possible for him to fly home for the next 2-6 weeks. I know this is kinda messed up on my part but I kept thinking “karma”. I was telling my sister I wish I could see the videotape, it would be therapeutic and satisfying to see him smacked around. I know im bad but I’m human and he put me through hell these last 6 months.
Other than that I’ve been GAL, going to my Spanish class and a few other activities. H still hasn’t said he loves me but has kissed me hello and good bye and we still snuggle in bed. We still are doing things together and he still buys me gifts but cant read him. Some days he gives more attention to the dogs than me and other days he doesnt even ask how I am doing. I have days where I honestly feel like I will be ok if we split up. I know not to say or do anything big when I am emotional, in all honesty it would be easier to bail than do all the work in MC. Also just forgiving him and having to start trusting him all over again. Just thinking about it makes me tired. So thats it. Been awhile since I posted, hope everyone is doing well.
