Figuring Out What Comes Next

[DonH]

Yours was more like "golly gee I know your really busy but could you squeeze some time in to see me" Indirect, not to the point, and weak. That is why you got the weird response.

So, I agree with LH that you could have gotten a direct answer if worded differently. But I think you were expecting her to say yes, and this was a surprise. I am afraid her answer does indicate she is not interested for whatever reason. it's the nice vague blow off.

I don't and didn't totally disagree with what both of you said. Ginger was a bit more on target with my not expecting that answer as since it's been over 6 weeks already, I've gotten to know this woman's traits a little bit. She had already said she was busy with this last week prior to the new job, so that's in part why I worded it the way that I did. But you guys could have been correct. Although it also just shows that a lot of this for all of us is mind reading - and with two hands tied behind our back when all we get is what is said by the poster.

So in the end, what really did happen??? Was it the nice vague blow off? Well we went out again last night. LOL So, no slow fade, no blowing off (of any kind - sadly), it's just how she is. This too was somewhat last minute but on my part, but yes, we had another date.

But... I just don't know. It's again, like I see the signs pretty clear in front of me - she's clearly into the drama of life. Last week her 17 yr/o broke up with his GF - although the last time we were out two weeks ago she was telling me how this boy has lots of GF. so???? Now, her S25 broke up with his live-in GF - like 1,500 miles away from here and tried to commit suicide. Drama, drama, drama. I also went back and looked at her OLD profile - which interestingly says she's been online within the last month (rather than today, this week, last week, etc.) - so it would appear she's no longer active. Yet, it said "Hey friend" in the "headline" and included "Looking for a friend with similar interests & availability to spend time with exploring" and listed herself as "Wants to date but nothing serious." Of course, this, along with her derogatory comments about OLD in her profile is why I responded when she messaged in the first place.

This was our third real date and while I was not expecting sex, we've still yet to have a kiss as good as my first with Wild Girl. While some might go on what they think are "dates" and never kiss, it's a signal to me. I mean, otherwise, what's the difference between what I did Saturday night and what I did Wednesday afternoon and Thursday with my friends???? In the end, she's starting her third shift job tonight/Monday AM. I'm sure that will throw her for a loop in itself. If I had to guess (mind-read) she will quit before the end of the year. I could go on and on but in the end, I think I'm just going to let her be for awhile and see if she reaches back out to me. If something comes up that I need a date for, she might be a good person to contact. Beyond that, I think she's got to get it together more. And just like we've seen here, I think she's got to decide what she's looking for. Perhaps, again like we've read here, she tried OLD and now finds she's not ready??? Who knows and I don't think I'm caring enough to find out.

I think it would benefit to change things up. Like be more open-minded in your deal breakers. You just have so many deal breakers and check boxes, they just never get through the door or make the cut on your end. And the ones that you let through the door aren't exactly "nice and normal" to begin with. Expand your horizons!

I'd like to explore this as while I question it (and will in a second) I also don't discount it as I mentioned my talk with one of my friends this past week showed I had more deal breakers than I thought. But still, you kinda contradict yourself Ginger. I have too many deal breakers - yet not enough as I let those through those whom I should not. Well, it can't be both ways can it? If I'm overlooking things to let these women in, how do I have so many deal breakers? And to be honest, I've talked about a total of three on here. I've prided myself in NOT having many deal breakers. Yet, that list expanded when I talked with my friend. So Ginger, I'd love for you to tell me, what do YOU see as my deal breakers or check boxes? What am I missing here? Yes, I fall for and like what I fall for and like, but you seem to be seeing more deal breakers and check boxes than I am. Perhaps, clingy with low self esteem is another deal breaker although right or wrong, I don't think I'd shut that person out - even if I should. I just think they would turn me off in short order. So give me the list you see and let's see if I'm missing something?

And I don't think that girl who is nice normal and grounded who wants to date you is so elusive. There could very well be a nice lady out there with grown kids who has a good job, a nice life and is looking for a partner as her end goal and dates with that intention that you are ruling out. That would be a shame to lose a nice lady like that.

I so wish I could agree with you but after being D and for the most part single for 12 years now, I just can't. Yes, I have high standards, yes I'm even now STILL not willing to settle. Yes, I've been more love avoidant than I could or should be, but I'm telling you, more and more it seems clear that the good ones are taken for a reason - because they are the good ones. They are grounded, they don't bail, they know what they want, etc. Even when they become available again, it's not for long - case in point the college dean. Then you see these OLDers over and over and over again for years - still out there looking. There are those never married. Those never in an R for more than 2 or 3 years. Look at people in your life, those you work with, those you encounter at work. There is a lot of broken people out there. Some can't hold a conversation to save their lives. I could go on and on. I think I'm a great catch and am not going to lower my standards - I'm just not. What really upsets me the most is it's almost like on balance I was doing better emotionally before. I had sort of resigned myself to what it's going to be. I was pretty happy. Then this cruise thing came up and I started upping my dating game with about a half dozen women. Among them I re-met Wild Girl and even with all of her red flags it was soooooooo great to have someone to do things with, talk with, share the day's events, and of course the physical parts - and so now that I had it for 3 or 4 months I really want it - yet as I try to go back out there looking, the good ones are taken or not interested and all I'm left with is the ones that just don't attract me - and not just physically - actually morose mentally, emotionally and personally. I've been more bummed these past couple of weeks than in a long time.

Some people are very good at accepting a large variety of people. You very much fit that Ginger as you yourself say you don't even have a type. While in hindsight you say you see now some of the guys in the past year or two were not a right fit, you totally were willing to be a right fit with them if they were willing - it was them who killed the deal - not you. I hope that is coming out correctly as I'm not putting you down in anyway. You just are able to accept all kinds of looks, personalities and what they want. That's actually a very positive attribute. I just can't and never have. That's why I have my 10 percenters. I like what I like and I don't know how to change that - and really don't think I should. The bad part about that is when only 10% attract me if even half of them are not interested, I'm down to 5%. But it's unrealistic to think that half of any group wants to date you. Even 10% wanting to date you would be a win - yet with me that really puts me into the percent or lower category.

Of course I wrote too much again and could write even more. Sadly there are so few people even left here that none of us really get a wide range of input and writing so much doesn't help promote responses. I greatly thank both of you for taking the time!