Hi PsySara, thanks for your input! It's reassuring to know my daughter can eat ice cream for dinner every so often because as much as I cook, every so often she refuses to eat. I give up sometimes and give her ice cream. She's happy but I always feel terrible about it. If it were an option for my husband to take my daughter for a week I'd consider it now that she's getting closer to five years old. I don't think it'll work any time soon though (he's 1,000 miles away for one thing). I'm trying to simply say no more often to activities and social gatherings but as I noted in a previous post, a few friends and family members became offended that I'm busy. I don't know what I can do about that. They have no way to understand what it's like to be in this position.
PsySara I believe what you're saying about paving the way back. I made it easy the first time but then I made a lot of mistakes once he came back that pushed him away further. I think he's probably sure it'd be the same situation again if he came back again. I'd like to envision what it could be like the second time but it's hard. I don't know if coming back has ever been on his mind. I don't know if it's premature to think about it as a future prospect? I'll share an update about today in a minute though.
Hi Davide, what you say is true. I've spent so, so much money lately on babysitters for school closures that I honestly don't have the means to do much in terms of going out but I'll try. I think I'll be happy though to do less social stuff for a while as a means of recharging (and probably saving money too). Or, if anything, I'd like to have a housekeeper again as I once did. I guess we each have our own dreams about how to recharge! For me having someone else clean is probably the greatest help. And yes, my husband is still in another city. I think he calls sometimes when something's wrong as kind of an auto-response. I wasn't able to help much the last time but then I had a financial issue recently and he was honestly supportive and helpful. I haven't gone out-of-my-way to help when he calls but I don't hang up on him or anything. I listen and try to show kindness but that's about all.
I do want to mention that today went well with my husband's visit. We walked to a restaurant together each holding one of our daughter's hands. We were relaxed at the restaurant and we enjoyed our time. When we came back my husband took our daughter to get a (fake) Christmas tree and he helped her set it up and decorate it. Then he stayed here while I took my daughter to a party and he washed his own dishes and sent me money to buy some German pans he said would be good. I had a bad sore throat later in the afternoon and I wanted to lay down so my husband took our daughter out. As they left he said "I won't be late, give me a call if you need anything." This is the same statement he's used every time he's gone out ever since I met him. Everything felt normal, like we were a family again. Then he left for the airport without much in terms of a goodbye but he called from the airport and we conversed a bit.
Over the past six months I've said I'm sorry several times for things that I've done wrong in the marriage. Each time my husband has said it's ok and he's not upset. There's no apology from him or any sign of wanting to reconcile but no sign of divorce either.
Last week my husband talked about taking us to an amusement park this weekend and his brother's family would join us. It didn't happen but he obviously thought it'd be fun. He says he'll come on Christmas morning and stay for five days (although probably sleep at his family's house I imagine).
I've said a few times that I believe this Thanksgiving will be revealing because it's my husband's favorite holiday with a lot of great memories. He's not going to be here but we'll see if he calls or seems to show any emotion.
As I keep mentioning I feel I have to confront my husband in some way or another at some point in the next year if he doesn't do it first. I identified a psychiatrist friend of ours from my husband's home country who I feel will be the best one to advise me on how to go about this although I haven't reached out just yet.
I hope someday there is news to share here. I'd still love to reconcile with my husband if it were ever a real option (not just him coming home and acting the same way but actually working towards rebuilding our lives together). My husband might well be in another relationship right now (or multiple ones) but I'd like to think those relationships fail and he gets burned out he might someday appreciate what we once had.
