Uncertain phase of MLC

[bluesun]

You are her security, her safety net, the one she can rely on. In MLC there are a few different approaches Midlifers can take. Some abandon completely like my sister did, some come and go checking in every week or month like my Dad, and then there are the ones who keep closer contact like my H and your W. They all have confusion and on some level escape the relationship either physically, emotionally or both. She says she doesn't want you...but....I would bet way down deep inside you are still there in her heart and she doesn't really want you gone, maybe for a minute and then thinks about it and no. That's why she wants to sleep with you still, she is confused, she blames you and loves you at the same time. And the fear is always strongest for a while.

It sounds like she is going through different things in her mind, different scenarios. She says one minute she wanted to struggle to build character and then the next couldn't work for $15/hr because she is accustom to her lifestyle. In my opinion she is trying to figure things out about what she would do if she no longer had you in her life, on all levels. And this does correlate with the issue of abandonment. Not having her accustom way of life is a smoke screen for her fear of not having you in general. I don't believe she only sees you as an ATM. She is struggling inside and flipping things around, ideas around until she accepts one that eases her fear, so she can face it head on with a safety net in her mind whether conscious of it or not.

Listen to what she says and watch her actions; they do give you some insight if you read past the crazy/chaos. There is a grain of truth in things she says and does, you just can not take any of it personally.

What does employment mean to her? Does it fill a void, define her identity, give her purpose, indicate status, indicate worthiness, what does it trigger inside her. I wonder if she sees your success as a doctor and sees that as "who" you are, and then looks at herself and thinks....who am I? Maybe not realizing that employment is not your identity; it is superficial to define others by their employment and status rather than by who they are as a personality/character good and bad. She may be trying to accept this and embrace that her value as a person is not defined by income. Some women struggle with "losing" those years of staying home to raise a family. But it is not a loss at all it is actually a blessing but many women struggle with this concept and transition.

Maybe she actually thinks very highly of you, despite her poor behaviour and wonders how she could possibly hang onto you if she is in her own mind not worthy. Its just a thought, I may be wrong.