Uncertain phase of MLC

[bluesun]

[/quote]I noticed some of these behaviors early on. I took a nurse friend out shopping (for me). I changed my wardrobe style a bit because I had only my "dad clothes" like baggy jeans and old shorts. I came downstairs one day and she noticed how thin I was and how neat I looked. She immediately started crying for about 30 minutes. Once after a talk with my attorney she was frightened I would take the kids and she had an emotional breakdown and stood behind my car so I couldn't leave the house. She also told me a number of times how her biggest fear was that I would give up on her. She initially refused IC but on her own accord accepted she needs it and continues to go (consistently for 2 months now). She was never a heavy smoker but did daily for the past few months. She quit last week and no longer wants to. She barely drinks wine now, which was a daily thing for 3 years (and heavy for the past 3 months). I keep thinking she'll ask me to leave the bedroom but refills my soap dispenser and puts new toothpaste in my drawer, and does my laundry. In September she said it wasn't entirely my fault and she played a big role in it. The EA is over and there is no communication. She knows she's depressed and asked me for help.

These are some of the little bits that give me hope she is crawling out of it.

The harsh daily daggers have stopped but I continue to deflect and give empathetic statements when applicable. I no longer say ILY but there are so many times I want to.[quote]

* Sorry Im technology challenged*

Not sure what others would say but seems like maybe she is coming out of the replay stuff by dropping the smoking/alcohol stuff which was out of character prior to the crisis. Just be prepared in case some of it surfaces again. I know a lot of the advice is to not say you love them and to go against your natural feelings. For myself, I have a hard time not being genuine. If I want to say ILY and it is because I really want to, not for a reaction or anything like that, then to me...say it if it is true in your heart. Saying it for it to be reciprocated, out of habit, to manipulate or to test is not a reason to say it and I would suggest pulling back when the urge is there. But if you are having a moment and really connecting and you can feel the naturalness and you aren't saying it all the time personally I would from time to time. They do need to hear it some times because the truth is during the crisis they don't feel loved and don't love themselves. Sometimes saying it can trigger a "but I don't love you" response in them but once they have pulled themselves out of the crazy replay stuff an ILY once in a while I think is a good thing. But that's my opinion. Others may feel different.

Do you think she will ask you to leave because you are scared she will or because you aren't sure where you stand?

She is probably really thinking a lot right now and wavering on what her future will be. She just needs time to think, to reflect and to sort that stuff out. Hang in there. In the end it will be what it will, but it sounds to me like there is genuine love between you both. Repairing if you reconcile completely takes time and those triggers will reappear but if forgiveness and understanding are there you have a fighting chance.

It is still a long haul even after the replay ends and taking a look at your future without them is another process we go through as LBS. No matter what you will be ok. My prayers are for you both to have that okay future -together.