Yea it hurts her to see you getting attention, but no regard for you when the OM is in the picture. That's the fun of MLC... whats good for them is not for us, unless of course they tell us it is and then we still aren't supposed to do it because they are testing us or using it to justify their poor behaviour. Mind games and mind games.
I can just imagine the feeling of every corner there being the nurses, one shot of it would have been a bit funny if it were me to be honest, but every turn in the evening I don't know for you but for me, I would've thought...seriously? Like Im trying to have a good time and keep the peace here....why.
Love the comment " I have friends and don't need to find anyone"
Im thinking it is her low self esteem and guilt beating her down, not you or anything you are doing. If she is bothered by the nurses then maybe she has been afraid of losing you to begin with, like maybe abandonment is a root issue for her. Maybe she knows she messed up and needs time to figure out what direction she wants to go in life in general.
I know for myself I had to accept things in my MLC; once I did the fog lifted fast, I accepted things and then felt it lift, the clarity was surreal. I remember it like this... One day I was a real Bee* to my H. I had this thing I would do where I would throw his blanket on the bedroom floor and say to myself how much I didnt want him to sleep with me and laugh to myself when he would come in and pick it up. Pretty childish tbh. This day he came in and saw it and was annoyed, he said Im starting to think this is on purpose and said he had it with me, and well...he meant it. When he left the room I laughed to myself but I also thought about it. He was genuinely angry and it was at that moment I realized maybe he would leave me. The next day I thought, alot.... I was looking out my bedroom window, sitting with my legs crossed on my bed. I was very obsessed during my crisis with my Papa who had passed when I was 4 years old, I would talk to him and sing to him nearly daily. While I sat there I talked to him, I sang him a song and said goodbye to him and told him how much I loved him and missed him. I thought about my health and accepted that things will be how they will and that I would be ok no matter what because I had a great support system and would always be ok, maybe not rich but always ok. I could feel myself almost as though I was a little girl, for a few minutes I actually felt like I did when I was very young, it was strange and then I felt the love I had for my husband in my hand...I took my hand and put it up to my chest, I literally felt the love fill inside me and I knew I loved him and wanted to be with him. It was very strange and most people would think I was crazy to tell them this. But this is an experience I had in my own MLC.
Listen to the things she refers to , like work and stuff like that. There may be some meaning behind it, a fear or issue. People say don't do that because it will make you crazy but if your situation is like ours its a bit different than a spouse who is still in heavy replay with crazy in their eyes. If she is like I was she will realize things and remember her love for you once her acceptance comes. She is very lucky to have you being patient and understanding. If she doesn't realize it now, sooner or later she will. Hopefully for her and the future of your family she realizes your value and clears her mind before you give up and cave to attention from other women. Its very lonely being a LBS, being rejected, walking on egg shells and knowing you are wasting away while they brood or "run". Its exhausting really and we need attention and affection too. But, for me I don't want attention from others at the expense of my marriage if it can be repaired.
You are strong and patient. Just try to keep focused, it isnt an easy task. If you want your marriage intact once her Crisis is over try not to fall for temptation it will just make it harder to repair things after, its enough with their damage. My opinion anyway.
I noticed some of these behaviors early on. I took a nurse friend out shopping (for me). I changed my wardrobe style a bit because I had only my "dad clothes" like baggy jeans and old shorts. I came downstairs one day and she noticed how thin I was and how neat I looked. She immediately started crying for about 30 minutes. Once after a talk with my attorney she was frightened I would take the kids and she had an emotional breakdown and stood behind my car so I couldn't leave the house. She also told me a number of times how her biggest fear was that I would give up on her. She initially refused IC but on her own accord accepted she needs it and continues to go (consistently for 2 months now). She was never a heavy smoker but did daily for the past few months. She quit last week and no longer wants to. She barely drinks wine now, which was a daily thing for 3 years (and heavy for the past 3 months). I keep thinking she'll ask me to leave the bedroom but refills my soap dispenser and puts new toothpaste in my drawer, and does my laundry. In September she said it wasn't entirely my fault and she played a big role in it. The EA is over and there is no communication. She knows she's depressed and asked me for help.
These are some of the little bits that give me hope she is crawling out of it.
The harsh daily daggers have stopped but I continue to deflect and give empathetic statements when applicable. I no longer say ILY but there are so many times I want to.
