Uncertain phase of MLC

[bluesun]

Its unfortunate but she will need to face those fears that have stunted her spiritual/emotional maturity before she can recognize what she is doing to her future with you. Of course I am speaking from my own MCL experience and maybe others are different. From my experience I still loved my H but it was like I was detached from it, like it was in my hand not my heart. I did notice him and the positive and negative things he did, even if I reacted in a different way at times. I would call my behaviour like acting out/rebellion based on how I felt inside. I was mean to him because inside I knew it was safe to be, that he wouldn't leave me and would forgive me. I think on some level I thought I could do anything and he would forgive me. Is that feeling entitled? That was me. I didn't want to lose him but I also felt really angry with him for holding me back in life, even though it wasn't actually the reality just my reasoning at the time, I was attracted to him at times and then on a flip of a dime I was repulsed by him. Its really internal conflicting. If you can see it from the inside its easier to not be taking it personally. It literally is about them and not you.

To me you sound like you are taking things from an objective level even though it can appear subjective. Its that uncertainty and not knowing when it will finally end that is the hardest for me with my H crisis. (From the other side of the crisis I can say I didn't know myself how long it would take either while in that fog.)

If its any consolation I wasn't really aware of my behaviour and its impact until after the fog lifted. I was pretty confused though at the time I didn't realize it. Even though I acted and said I wanted a divorce, when it came down to it I never really did and wasn't aware completely of the impact of those statements or of the outcome if it were to happen because even though I said it and in a way wanted it so I would feel less pressure from everywhere, on a subconscious level I never believed it was real or could ever be real. If that makes sense.


Going out and taking time for yourself is a good idea. Take care of yourself and try to get that much needed attention on a platonic level so you don't get sucked into temptation when you are now vulnerable. Again just my thoughts.