Hi everyone, I've been trying to find a chance to post for the past few weeks. There are no major changes here. It's challenging working full-time, trying to excel in my career while spending as much time with my daughter as humanly possible. Then there are all the errands, cooking, cleaning, etc.. and doing it all alone requires more strength than what I have sometimes.
My husband came a few weeks ago and when he left my daughter started crying terribly so I carried her out to the hall way to my husband as he was leaving. He turned around and he was crying too. He left again after a minute, then called to say his flight was delayed and he was coming back for a few more minutes. When he came back our daughter asked if he's going to live with us again and he said "I promise next year I'll be here." Now that could mean here in the same city or maybe he's open to moving back someday but obviously there's no way to know what he's thinking. After that night he seemed to feel a greater sense of attachment to our daughter and he's been calling more. He doesn't call to socialize with me but he's taking a greater interest in our daughter's life.
This weekend my husband is visiting. This morning we went for breakfast together, he, our daughter, and I. Now he's here setting up an early Christmas tree with our daughter.
About two weeks ago my husband called me one morning upset about a financial issue asking me what to do....it seems like when it comes down to serious issues he still calls me by default.
It's like we're living two separate lives but we're connected by just a thread.
I just don't know the end to this. It still seems everything is working in his favor. I've moved on as much as I feel is possible. It's a very lonely feeling at night but the one thing I've done is go to the office almost every day where I can socialize with colleagues and I have neighbors and friends visiting after work pretty much every day. Our weekends are full of activities but I feel burned out. It seems like just a beautiful dream that I once had a husband and very briefly a husband and daughter at the same time.
When my husband used to live with us he'd walk around the house eating apples and there'd always be apple seeds all over the floor. Last night after my husband left I stepped on an apple seed just like old times. I picked it up and set it aside. I'd normally be in tears over something like that, but I just felt numb. Maybe it's a sign of progress. A lot of time has passed now, but it seems like there'll be no major developments any time soon.
