Uncertain phase of MLC

[bluesun]

In my experience my H likes to "test" me, a lot. Suggesting things to see what I will do, watching to see how I will react like he is checking to see if I still care or maybe determining how much control he still has over me. He often makes "suggestions" for me about taking up a hobby and things like that, but to be honest I think he is projecting his own thoughts about himself when he says that. Maybe your W is doing the same, when she says find some friends etc.

That's why its good to change it up and give an unexpected reaction at times, so they get caught off guard a bit and think. For myself I find it tough to keep playing the game. I too have days or even weeks where I feel fed up with the games. I guess the trouble is we are in our 40s + and dealing with someone who has the social skills and perspective of a teenager (and a toddler at times). We have matured and they are still in the process.

What gives me hope is that I went through my own crisis about 10 years ago when I was hit with a health issue that changed my life in every aspect (I am 43, H 48). I also watched my father go through a mlc when my grandpa passed away, my dad was in his early 30s at the time, 5 kids and a wife at home, a few years of being off and on gone and I have a half sister as a result. My parents worked things out and have a solid marriage, they celebrated their 50th anniversary a couple years ago.

I know there is possibility for things to repair because Ive seen it happen. My husband and I got through my MLC and Round one of his. We are on round 2 and 7 years in, thank goodness we had a break of 5 years limbo before he hit me again, though I saw it under the surface. My sister is presently in MLC and she completely left her family and has been gone for 2 years living a very horrible life in a abusive and awful relationship even living out of her vehicle but still wont come home and face the damage, completely abandoned her children and husband of 16 years; its truly amazing how low rock bottom can be.
Ive also seen it work and seen it not work out but I think if you have a good marriage to begin with and you have hope, communication and patience there is always a chance on reconciling if you have forgiveness and see the crisis for what it is and don't take the horrible projections and actions personally. Just my thoughts.