The anxiety attacks need to stop. I need to meditate more. And I need to accept that things will take as long as they need to work out. Maybe I'm still focusing on the negative, but even I would have to agree with you all that I have made very good progress since I first posted here. I am beginning to understand the marathon part in all of this. I still don't like it, but I have accepted that this will be the norm for the near future.
Very little contact with W. Since I went distant, W has reached out to me less and mostly stopped sniffing. But there are some times (some) that I may get a little over-enthusiastic response form W. Does not mean anything to me anymore. I would like to think that I am making progress in my detaching since I let go of the small signs nonsense. But I go back and think of our contact before I discovered the e-mails (28 days tomorrow) and wonder if W was really warming up to me or if she was playing me.I guess I will never know, will I? I am tempted to try to cast out the line again but I also know that would be considered pursuit. I still feel that I am detaching correctly now, and living by the "no expectations" rule that is standard for LBS.
Busy-ish weekend planned with D4 and I. I'm canning some apple pie jam and maybe do something fun with D4. To be honest, I am starting to really dislike weekends. Then again, it's been like that since BD all year. Why should this coming weekend be any different?
I go back and forth about seeking a casual R. I know I posted on this topic before and the consensus I got was that it was a very bad idea. Still, I wonder if I will have the willpower to take the higher road if the opportunity for sex was bouncing right in front of me.
